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Coping b y J o d y U n s c o t tNixon Returns to New York:%u2018He's Only A Four O %u2019clock Re-run Now'The odd thing about Richard Nixon is that he never quite came off in the flesh and although TV was never kind to him, it became his most natural and fitting environment. Nixon is really a mixed media man. Once, years ago, I saw him on some anonymous runway at some better forgotten airport and he just looked%u2014well, a little like Richard Nixon. Like the sort of person who%u2019d never get another glance in the street, that%u2019s for sure. The sort always doomed to look like someone else (in this case, himself).But put the man behind a lens and he takes on a certain bizarre validity%u2014thenature of captain Kangaroo, the kind of camera creation who you could never imagine rummaging in the refrigerator at night for cheese on rye.All of which lent a certain erstwhile credibility to the recent New York University memorial service for his old friend and NYU benefactor Elmer Holmes Bobst which Nixon...hosted, I suppose one might say, last week. The service, oddly enough, was staged smack in the middle of the Elmer Bobst Library foyer and although the press wasn%u2019t allowed in, we were invited to view the proceedings via (you guessed it) television sets installed across the street in NYU%u2019s Loeb Student Center.Now, watching Richard Nixon give yet another speech on the great screen about military advancement or welfare chislers or whatever is one thing. But watching Richard Nixon eulogize an old friend in the middle of a library, surrounded by puff balls of chrysanthemums, to the background of pounding organ music is a parody of a parody. Not the least odd thing about it was that we came, watched the man, listened to him and left, with absolutely no confirmation that Richard Nixon was there in the flesh.That all of this happened at 4 o%u2019clock in the afternoon lent a certain poignant quality to it: the drawn blinds in the student center; the lurid television color; the hushed expectancy of a delightedly breathless press crew; and the soaring organ music was all reminiscent of adolescence, when every afternoon from 3 to 4 p.m.\installment of %u201c Days of Our Lives.%u201dThe other flashback 1 suffered was one of the all time great television absurdities, %u201c This Is Your Life,%u201d unfortunately no longer on the air. When it was, it supplied endlessly delightful entertainm ent as minor film stars were dragged on stage to be reunited with fifth grade teachers, hairdressers, family members from Yugoslavia and the like.Richard Nixon, This is YOUR life. Remember protestors?Outside, across the street from the library, the ruffians are gathered, with their loudspeakers and bedsheet banners. Impossible to hear what they%u2019re saying, that being the nature of untrained voices over cheap bullhorns, and equally impossible to hear what they%u2019re saying, that being the nature of untrained voices over cheap bullhorns, and equally impossible to read the banner because they keep dropping it and letting it fall in the middle. A totally passionless gathering, certainly lacking the fervent quality of the late Sixties, but it%u2019s a nice afternoon and Nixon is here and they%u2019re having a good time. It%u2019s nice to see that there%u2019s still someone out there making noises.Inside the student center, the fan is buzzing two t %u00bb | ^ %u00ab i c i n n c a r e s e t u d and there's a general pre-party atmosphere. There are 25 of us. With a few exceptions, it looks like the press crowd decided that the dress code for a mixed-media memorial service calls for informality, whic\\ is disappointing & it would have been a nice touch to see everyone in black. As long asRichard Nixon, with daughter Julie, during his Presidencywe%u2019re here.Nothing much is happening yet on the screen; as the organ music wells the cameras pan the five-tiered library entryway and then back to the empty podium (alter?) as if we%u2019re waiting for Johnny Carson. In the background, we can just see the powder-blue-suited legs of some hapless secret service man, pacing. One good thing about being here, not there, is that we can smoke.Which is lucky, since it%u2019s a long wait, and watching those five tiers, those blue legs and that empty podium gets pretty dull fast (a commercial would be welcome relief). Someone hollers that he can%u2019t hear, whereupon an NYU press person hops up, spreads his arms, and %u2014 with an air of calming down an overexcited nursery school crowd %u2014 explains in loud, slow and patient tones that %u201c this is just the background music, we haven%u2019t started the program yet.%u201d As if it weren%u2019t obvious.The master of ceremonies %u2014 who appears at the podium after each speaker to tell a few anecdotes and introduce the next %u2014 gets up and gives an introductory lecture on Elmer Holmes Bobst, and it quickly comes clear why he and Nixon were buddies. It%u2019s one of those rags-to-riches stories, including the usual self-education bit and then the %u201c selfless unto death%u201d kind of thing. Bobst, it develops, never could afford to buy books or go to college so he had to use the library, which apparently explains why he gave $11 million to NYU to build one. (Why he didn%u2019t donate it to a public library seems to be the obvious question, but what the hell).At any rate, a real Nixon %u201c up from the boot straps%u201d kind of guy. Bobst, who made his millions in the pharmecutical industry, even started out (or so the Bobst Library promotional phamphlet insists as a $3 a day drugstore clerk. Nixon always was a master at giving the Puritan ethic a bad name, and this is the kind of story that in the old days he would have loved to tell at a Rotary dinner or at a midwest Baptist college commencement, and for all I know he did (never myself having attended either.) I certainly hope he did: it%u2019s too good to waste.The other obvious reason that Nixon and Bobst were good pals is that Bobst%u2019s wife name, clear as I can make out (sjiock always clouds the ears a little) is %u201c Dodo%u201d (as in, say, Bobo, not to be confused with BeBe). Or at least that%u2019s what they're calling her up there, without a hint of a giggle, so I presume it%u2019s for real, although it strikes me that at a memorial service it might be a trifle more fitting %u2014 under the circumstances %u2014 to refer to her real name. But her real name is Mamdouba As-Sayid and probably nobody can pronounce it. The references to DoDo, numerous but parenthetical (as wife references always seem to be) caused bedlam in the press room every time. I can%u2019t help thinking that Nixon would be pleased to know we%u2019re having a great time. Especially if he didn%u2019t know what we are laughing at.And then, suddenly, to thunderous applause (Applause? At a memorial service? They do things differently here in New York City)there is Nixon. He looks like Nixon and talks like Nixon and hunches%u2018...Put the man behind a lens and he takeson a certain bizarre validity in thenature of Captain Kangaroo, the kind of camera creation who you could neverimagine rummaging in the refrigerator at night for cheese on rye.%u2019over the mike just like Nixon. He lurches into the podium on every fifth word just like Nixon and is veritably glowing with that pretend Nixon humility, as if he had just been forced back to the stage for the third encore.Somehow I expect him to launch into a garbled explanation of his latest tax cut plan. But instead he launches into his eulogy, each hand grasping either side of the podium, the voice sonorous, imbued with that kind of over-emphasis that makes you want to tell him to get on with the point. Oh, this is Nixon.no doubt about it.As if we didn't believe it on the basis of style,content proves the man: %u201c Elmer Holmes Bobst was a BIG man.%u201d Nixon lurches into the mike.%u201c He was a good (lurch) friend.\The voices rises, as Nixon explains just why he was a good friend. %u201c He was loyal in the good times...%u201d (Oh Lord 1 know what%u2019s coming) %u201c and he was also (lurch) loyal in the bad time.\sinks in. A few giggles go round the press room. We are hanging on every word, we can%u2019t stand the suspense.%u201c He retired from b u sin ess...\sonorous voice hits a new pitch. \NEVER retired (lurch) from life.\Okay. Now that Elmer%u2019s loyalty and dedication are established, we%u2019re going to change tone and tell a few funny stories (where did Nixon learn his rhetoric?) The tone changes to light, nearly bantering, but still heavy with that %u201c there-is-going-to-bea-point-here, so-you%u2019d-better-not-startscraping-at-your-fingernail-polish%u201d flavor. %u201c Elmer could be very persistent...%u201d I am reminded of a Walt Disney recording of %u201c The Ugly Dachsund%u201d I had as a kid, all about a dachsund who wasn%u2019t really a pedigreed dachsund but who by dint of perseverence and dumb luck made it to the top and won the blue ribbon in the dog show after all. The narrator had that same heavy tone, which immediately betrayed him as a guy who was very aware that he was addressing small children, and he lost all credibility with me the minute he started his tale. Now I keep waiting for Nixon to break into song: %u201c Only an uuuugly dachsund, he was juuuust an ugly dachsund...%u201d )Nixon has another story to tell about Elmer. %u201c The last time 1 spoke to him, he was in the hospital and his voice was very weak.%u2019,' Pause. %u201c And 1 said, 'Elmer, how are you feeling?%u2019 (oh, the delicious cmbarrassement of it all). %u201c And Elmer said, 'Oh, I%u2019m okay, Dick.%u201d %u2019 Pause. %u201c But tell me, how arc the kids? (lurch) The voice is almost a whisper: %u201c How%u2019s Pat?%u201d1 don%u2019t get it.Nixon explains: %u201c Even in the worst of times, he was always thinking of others.%u201d Oh %u201c He%u2019ll be an inspiration to all of us in the days ahead.%u201dWell, that may be overstating it a bit. Still and all, $11 million is $11 million.Nixon leaves the podium. The press leaves the pres%u00a7 room. No one is using the press phones except to call home and see what%u2019s for dinner.The crowd of %u201c protestors%u201d outside the library has dwindled, and though the ringleaders are still trying to muster up some action, they really aren%u2019t succeeding. A few earnest looking students are milling around wondering why they can%u2019t return their books. A student tries to give a cop a bog of books to return and the cop won%u2019t take it. %u201c How do 1 know what%u2019s in there?%u201d he says. Hie student stares at him, doesn%u2019t get it. The cop explains, patiently. %u201cThere could be a bomb in there for %u201dThe student obviously hadn%u2019t thought of it, still doesn't quite understand. Why would he put a bomb in a bag of books\Even Nixon can%u2019t sttr passions anymore.Like %u201c I Love Lucy,%u201d he may be a classic, but he%u2019s only a four o%u2019clock re-run now.SMiPage 11. THE PHOENIX. September 21.1978