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Rest, In Pieces When she died, I was a mess. We all were. Between and legs crossed. We offered our irritated, “Sorry!” at
each other, thinking it was over. Nope. Like a mother
the move and her death, we experienced major
By Jennifer Wallace changes. My mom didn’t know what to do. There was of naughty children, she insisted we hug it out. We
did. Arguing with Amber was like arguing with a
so much love, pain, grief and frustration. It nearly de-
stroyed her. I cried out for help in a poem left in my typhoon.
mom’s shoe, saying I wished I had died instead. My
mom told me that what I had written was beautiful She loved bowling so we went bowling together after
The Best Friendships Take You with Them as They Live on in You and got me counseling. she’d gotten a new car. We always had a great time
despite being awful at it. That night, after eating our
That was the first time I wrote a heartfelt poem. My weight in snack bar nachos, we came back out to the
Kindness. Like love, it’s not easily defined, but easily a French poodle. Paulette played the part of a French young heart was bleeding, so I chose to bleed it onto parking lot. We were almost to her car when I no-
distinguishable. Lack of kindness is like a room with- maid. They toured in Europe and even made appear- the page. Grandma’s death pulled that out of me, and ticed one with a Christian bumper sticker. I pointed
out air, a beat without a melody. It’s not essential to ances at the Palladium Theater. I have not stopped writing since. it out and exclaimed, “Look, Christian people!”
survival but it gives life meaning. One of the greatest
echoes of kindness is friendship. Genuine connec- She adored ballet. As far back as I can remember, She was the first loss that devastated me, but she She looked at me like I was crazy. “Are you kidding
tions that transcend time and death. she’d put classical music on the radio for me to sleep wouldn’t be the last. In my lifetime I’ve lost more me?”
to. She’d even narrate the story. When the music was than I care to admit. Every one of them has been dif-
Grandma Darlene sweet and twinkling, she told me that the princess ficult in their own way. The two that hit me hardest, “No, I’m serious. See the bumper sticker?”
My grandma’s death was the first one that hurt. When had come on stage. Then the minor chords would though, were Grandma Darlene and Amber Shrader.
I was eight, she was dying of bone cancer and we come in: “Oh no, the villain has come to capture the “That’s MY car!” Her laugh sounded like it was half-
moved so my mom could care for her. Eight felt like princess!” She went through the entire story. Usually Amber Shrader cough, half-laugh, yet was one of the best I’ve ever
a tender age to lose someone I cared so much about, it ended with the prince fighting the villain and sav- Amber made me feel like the only one...her only true heard.
and it left an indelible mark on my life. That said, ing the princess. The twinkling music returned as the friend. I knew she had other friends, but when I was
grief is grief, regardless of age. princess and prince danced the night away. with her, it felt like I was at the center of the universe. My boy-crazy friend was always doing ditzy things so
That was part of the magic of who she was. she loved to have that leverage over others. She was
Grandma Darlene brought magic and whimsy with still teasing me about it the day of my wedding, as we
her everywhere she went. My momma and she were began to pull away.
in full agreement that they’d ensure I saw as much
beauty and wonder as possible. Monotonous walks “Look - Christian people!” She yelled, wearing the
didn't exist. Every walk led to the discovery of fairy yellow bridesmaid dress she chose because it made
dresses: small, brightly-colored flower bulbs left her look like Belle. I rolled my eyes and laughed,
behind by flowering trees. I visited the library often, waving goodbye to our loved ones. That’d be the last
getting to see Ronald McDonald and a magician who time I saw her.
pulled a coin out of my ear.
Part of the honeymoon was at Disneyland. Pirates
My mom's childhood wasn't ideal. Not every memo- of the Caribbean had been newly upgraded, and I
ry with her mother was blissful. But being a grandma gushed about how much Amber would love it. I was
means becoming the best version of yourself for your going to tell the die-hard Depp fan all about it. That
grandkids. My mom and grandma had their differ- was likely the day that she passed away. It’s strange,
ences, but they teamed up to give me as much magic what grief does to a person. One of the hard things in
as possible. Grandma was my built-in best friend. dealing with her loss was knowing she would never
Top picture, Amber is on the left. be able to see that silly ride.
My grandmother got me interested in fairy tales. Bottom picture, she is in the top row and three from the left…

(Paulette and Renee Promotional Shot) She recorded Shelley Duvall’s “Faerie Tale Theatre” next to a boy. My husband and I found out on our honeymoon.
for me. It was usually past my bedtime by the time Despite her health issues, my husband and I thought
My classy grandma was part of two traveling acro- it came on, though she let me stay up late to watch it Once, my friends and I went to a concert and were at first that she’d died in a car accident. Amber was
batic groups in her lifetime. The Nimblettes were a when I slept over. Darlene was interested in all sorts all angry with each other except at Amber. Stupid infamous for being a crazy driver. Once I had to tell
three-girl team she was in as a child. At sixteen, she of things: art, culture, music. And she gave me these reasons. She sat her skinny butt down in the middle
joined Paulette and Renee. Their act involved my interests as well. of a blocked-off street and refused to budge until we Continued Next Page
petite grandma (”Renee”) doing trampoline tricks as apologized. She looked like a petulant child, arms
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