Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #436

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heav- en?" God replied, "$1 million."
Joe asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?" God said, "One million years."
Joe asked for a penny. God said, "Sure, in a minute."
A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish wife were all talking about how they never had enough money to go shopping. All of a sudden, the English wife had an idea.
"I know! We can take off our underwear, and then when our husbands notice, we can say we don't have enough money even for knickers!"
Everybody thought this was a good idea, so they went home to try it.
When the English wife's husband noticed, he gave her 200 pounds to go shopping with.
When the Irish wife's husband noticed, he gave her his credit card.
The next day, they all three met up to discuss how it went. The Irish wife and the English wife were all dressed up in their new clothes, but the Scottish wife was still in rags. The other two demanded to know what had
happened.
"Well," said the Scottish wife. "As I was gardening, I bent over to show him I wasn't wearing any undies. But when he saw, he gave 40 pence to get a comb!"
Two hunters were stalking through the forest when one said to the other that he has to take a dump. His friend replies, "Well, go in the bushes."
"What should I use to wipe my ass?" he asks.
"Use a dollar bill," his friend says.
A few minutes later, the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands.
"What happened?" asked his friend.
He replied, "I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
I was on my way out of the house to meet with a cantankerous client, and I was dreading it. The look on my face must have given me away because my four- year-old daughter asked what was wrong.
"I’m going to meet a woman who always yells at Daddy," I told her.
"Oh," she said. "Say hi to Mommy for me."
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men.
The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge.
The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?” The man said, “Here and there.”
The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?” The man said, “This and that.”
The judge then said, “Take him away.”
The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”
The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.”
Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morn- ing walk at 5 a.m..
Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.
We got four boring seasons on the east coast: winter, spring, summer, and fall.
You ever been to California? Wind, fire, mud, earth- quakes.
Woman's Egg Fertilized By Dog For Art Project
A Slovenian artist has been fer- tilised by her dog for an award-win- ning art project.
Artist Maja Smrekar had her eggs artificially fertilised by cells from her pet dog Byron.
The work of art is part of a series of works by Smrekar to cele- brate the relation- ship and bond between humans and dogs.
Her eggs were fertilised with somatic (non- reproductive) cells from Byron, her Scottish Border Collie.
Somatic cells are non-sexual cells so the material
used was not sperm. The process used was not fully explained.
According to the Ars Electronica website, "the result is a hybrid cell, inherent in which is a dystopian sce- nario but which could create a new species whose chances of survival on Planet Earth are better than ours".
The artist also reportedly breast- fed an Icelandic Sheepdog called Ada after going on a special lac- tation-enhancing diet, as part of her project.
She also provid- ed serotonin, a
tissue hormone from her own body and from her dog Byron for chemists to use to make a special human-dog fra- grance, called I Hunt Nature and Culture Hunts Me.
Her project, enti- tled K-9_topolo- gy, took the Golden Nica for Hybrid Art in the Prix Ars Electronica.
"K-9_topology is a true hybrid art- work with a pro- found bio-political message and is certain to bring a lot of discussion to the audience from both the art and science sides," the jury said in a state- ment.
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