Page 17 - iAV Digital Magazine #400

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
Not Just on Facebook
I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends out- side Facebook while applying the same princi- ples.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passers- by what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me garden- ing. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works. I already have three people follow- ing me... two police offi- cers and a psychiatrist.
A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to uni- versity: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.
However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."
And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial planner, each very suc- cessful financially. When their father's time had come and they saw their father in the coffin, they remembered his wish.
First, it was the doctor who put 10 newly printed crisp $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.
Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.
Finally, it was the heart- broken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's cof-
fin, and took the $2,000 cash.
He is now running for President
A couple are rushing into the hospital because the wife is going into labor. As they walk, a doctor says to them that he has invented a machine that splits the pain between the mother and father. They agree to it and are led into a room where they get hooked up to the machine.
The doctor starts it off at 20% split towards the father. The wife says, "Oh, that's actually better." The husband says he can't feel anything.
Then the doctor turns it to 50% and the wife says that it doesn't hurt nearly as much. The husband says he sill can't feel any- thing.
The Doctor, now encour- aged, turns it up to 100%. The husband still can't feel anything, and the wife is really happy, because there is now no pain for her. The baby is born.
The couple goes home only to find the postman groaning in pain on the doorstep.
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use (on the average) only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.
She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Looking stunned, he said, "What?"
A 70 year old retired Military officer had one hobby - he loved to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' he looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dream- ing when he heard the voice say again, ''Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The retired officer said, 'Are you talking to me ?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me; and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride !'
The retired officer looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts ? Didn't you hear what I said ?' I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'
After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had – the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who was that guy?"
deposit. Directv, clean room, ask for Ruby • 526- 6492403
Palmdale: $375, no alcohol or drugs, must be clean per- son • 265-8199403
Country living, avilable 4/1. $300/mo, possibly lower in exchange for housework • 492-2013403
Small room, pd utilities $450 • 947-9338402
Away from City, shared bath $250+ $100dep & $300+$150dep • 946-0962
402
$500/mo. No smoking, alco- hol or drugs • 323-633- 9436401
Roommate to share a mobile home. Must be reli- able & responsible, single female. $300, you buy your own groceries • 445-3682400
Furnished, private hallway bath. Near frwy & shops. No deposit, no drugs & no pet. Internet, cable. Home privi- leges • 805-416-3221400
E. Lancaster: $500/mo, pd utilities. Pool. Can reduced rent to $250 for caregiving & cooking • 789-8729399
HOUSE FOR SALE
Leona Valley: 3+1, close to stores, dog ok $1600 • 947-
9338 401
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us today. Ask for Tony Austin 661-722-5255 or Betty at 661-944-7171
LAND
Yucca, Arizona: 2.5acres $5000 • 728-7687402
W. Lancaster: 5 acres. $20,000 • 944-7171
Cal City: Flat land ready to build w/ all utilities. Next to a house. In town $15,000 •
393 944-7171
California City: Residential lot, all utilities $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824- 3333257
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
over 200 houses & con- dos in the Antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. Call us
WANTED
TO RENT
Palmdale or Lancaster: Senior couple are looking for room to rent or convert- ed garage, utilities included • 805-366-7086404
Single woman w/ a cat in need of a room to rent in Palmdale. Prior IHHS work- er & can cook & clean • 200-8230400
SPORTinG
GOOdS
Electric bike, needs new battery $150 • 946-7005404
Home gym, 4 stations, 150lbs of weights, xlnt cond $325 • 947-3066401
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
69 Ford truck shop manual, vol. 1-4. Covers everything $30 • 272-9273 bet 8:00am- 8:30pm only404
Engine stand $45 • 946- 7005403
Clamshell roof top carrier for mini van, great cond, needs new locks $150 • 272-9273 bet 8:00am- 8:30pm only403
2 Truck lumber racks & utili- ty bed • 225-9693402
97 Kia Sephia body parts $100 for all • 728-7687402
New John Deere Gator tires. Size 25x12x9 $40ea • 350-4188400
Bed cover for truck $75 •
400 225-9693
2 Lumber racks for big truck
400 $100ea • 225-9693
1968-72 VW carburator w/ linkage $100 • 522-1832400
today.
Betty at 661-944- 7171
MOBILE HOME
For Sale: 1976 mobile home. 2+1, yard, fixer, “as is”, large living room, close to shopping $6000 • 576- 5602403
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 •
MoBile hoMe For SAle! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dish- washer, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furnitures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
824-3333
336
Proof of income • 946-0962402
exchange for cooking, cleaning & caregiving, female, must pass livescan, no drugs or drama, back-
754-1115404
E. Lancaster: Close to all $525/mo $100 deposit, pd utilities, verfiable income, kitchen & pool privileges, smoke outside, month to
404 month • 206-5815
Palmdale: $375, $100sec
STORAGE/ SPACE
SeCure Mini STorAGe. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz repair manual $20 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm
400
Repair manual for Chrysler LHS, New Yorker, Intrepid & Eagle Vision • 272-9273 bet
8am-8:30pm 400
ROOM FOR
RENT
Free rent & utilities to care for elderly female. Female only must apply • 264-4304
E. Lancaster: Free room in
ground check • 789-8729
404
404
E. Lancaster: $400, shared utilities, kitchen, living room, shared bath. Refundable sec & cleaning deposit •
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;