Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #472

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'"
The robber quick- ly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a police- man said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily.
How come you gave up so quick- ly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.”
Imagine his sur- prise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a cross- word puzzle. Almost immedi- ately, the Pope turns to the gen- tleman and says, “Excuse me, but do you know a
four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt?’” Only one word leaps to mind. “My good- ness,” thinks the gentleman, “I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word.” The gentleman thinks for quite a while, and then it hits him.
Turning to the Pope, the gentle- man says, “I think the word you're looking for is ‘aunt.’” “Of course,” says the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?”
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleep- ing."
A priest, a minis- ter, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.
The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first
communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mes- merized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I should- n't have started with the circumci- sion.”
An old man goes to a church, and is making a con- fession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been mar- ried for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a con- fession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Ohio Man Loses More Than 30 Pounds Drinking Only Beer During Lent
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) — Usually people give up beer or alcohol for Lent, but an Ohio man is drinking only beer and it’s helping him lose weight.
Del Hall first made
headlines in February after announcing he would be drink- ing nothing but beer between Ash Wednesday and Easter.
Well with just a few weeks to go, Hall has now lost more than 33 pounds.
“Weirdest thing is my dreams, I have been dreaming about
food every night,” Hall said.
For 46 days, Hall says he will have an assortment of beer for break- fast, lunch and dinner.
Hall says he is following the lead of monks in the 1600s, who would fast during the season by a bock beer diet.
“That would be their liquid bread, and basically it would sustain them through 46 days of Lent,” Hall says.
He will also be documenting his Lent beer diet on social
media and will be tracking his
weight.
But Hall says he has a game plan, and wants toseeifhecan prove to himself that it’s possible.
“I’m an army vet- eran I was num- ber one in my class in the army, I’ve run a full marathon before 26.2 miles I’ve done big challenges but this seems very daunting so I’m just curious if I’m up to the chal- lenge, if I’m going to be able to do it or not.”
Hall says he will still be drinking water during the fast and will be checking in with a doctor.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine