Page 16 - iAV Digital Magazine #389

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A man placed some flow- ers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneel- ing at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstra- tion of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"
The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs "give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this – I am a United States congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was he replied, "I'm too smart for the first grade, my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than her too." The teacher took him to the principal's office and explained the situation to the principal.
The principal told her that he would give Johnny a test, and if he failed to answer one question he would have to go back to the first
grade and be quiet.
The teacher and Johnny both agreed. Principal: "What is 3 x 3" Johnny: "9"
Principal: "6 x 6" Johnny: "36"
And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a third grader should know. Finally after about an hour he told the teacher "I see no reason Johnny can't go to the third grade, he answered all of my questions right."
The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Johnny agree.
Teacher: "What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of? Johnny: "Legs"
Teacher: "What do you have in your pants that I don't have?" the principal gasps but before he can stop him from answering Johnny says, "pockets" Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Johnny: "Pants" Teacher: "What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck"
The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise...'"
A man is surprised to receives a call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news and some
worse news."
"Well, alright, give me the bad news first," said the man.
"Well," said the doctor, "The bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live."
"Holy Cow! That is some bad news!" the man exclaimed. "What news could be worse than that?" he asked.
"The worse news is that I have been trying to reach you since yester- day."
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, say- ing that after her hus- band had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
moBILe Home For saLe! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dishwasher, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furni- tures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
FIrsT TIme Buyers
Why rent when you can own? Free list w/pics of homes available for under $1300/month WWW. rcaroseLLsHomes.com zero doWnPaymenT
661-860-7796
Amigo Real Estate, Agent #01785140
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us today. ask for Tony austin 661-722-5255 or Betty at 661-944-7171
LAND
Cal City: Flat land ready to build w/ all utilities. Next to a house. In town $15,000 • 944-7171393
2 Cemetery lots. Joshua Tree Memorial park $2000 each • 341-8367386
California City: Residential lot $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824- 3333257
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain Prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 • 824-3333336
STORAGE/
SPACE
secure mInI sTorage. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
SPORTinG
GOOdS
Free: Boxes full of hunting, fishing & camping equip- ment • 945-9613393
Treadmill machine $60 • 943-6071392
Exercise bike $100 • 948- 2484391
Moving, must sell. Proform Crossfit treadmill, 6 mons $250 • 794-8522390
Rally sports Tour De France bike $60 • 266-1947390
Pool table w/ new balls & sticks, good cond $150 • 818-667-0907389
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am-
chains. $10 each pair, or all for $60. All good cond, some new • 947-9680392
Early Mustang parts. new aftermarket 68LF fender, 65 fender extensions, headlight trim,timing cover, v-8 intake manifolds, gen bracket, gas caps, radio grills, windshield wipers. Lots more. All for $150, or sale parts • 947- 9680392
4 Dodge chrome alloy 20 in. wheels. 8 bolt pattern, 10" wide. Like new, used less than 2K miles. No scratch- es or road rash. Includes caps & bolts. No tires. $300 • 947-9680392
Chevy power steering rac-
ing box $250 • 483-7609
391
today.
Betty at 661-944- 7171
Used OEM car parts in lot, great cond. All brands, domestics & imports • 488- 4352391
Car jack $15 • 256-4904
391
Parting out 1977 Ford F250 pick up, complete. Has not run for over 10yrs. No win- dows • 272-9273 bet 8am- 8:30pm only391
1973 Chevy am radio, origi- nal $25 • 943-6071390
1973 radio track, am/fm $40 • 943-6071390
1969 Fisher body service manual, very rare $35. In depth on everything but motor & Trans • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
Repair manual for 1984-94 Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz. Slightly used, good cond $15 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
2)Door window for 1970 Chevy Nova $50ea • 266- 1947390
New in box motorcycle headlight CY50 $20 • 266- 1947390
MOBILE HOME
For sale: 2002 Double wide 3+2, Best park in Lancaster. Newly remodeled kitchen, bath. New marble, plumb- ing. Jacuzzi, 8x12 shed. Space rent $525. $74,900 • 789-8729393
8:30pm only
373
VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
Trail FX bedliner for full size GM pick up, xlnt cond $50 • 202-8503393
1973 Eldorado 8track, am/fm. Xlnt cond $50 • 943- 6071393
7 prs. of 14-16" snow
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;