Page 16 - IAV Digital Edition #377

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hos- pital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immedi- ately ordered her to be discharged from the hos- pital, as she now consid- ered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rational- ly respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt of his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied; "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
A mean lookin' cowboy was sitting by himself in a Saloon. He was a pret- ty intimidating sight, so no one bothered him as he downed a few whiskey and beers. After chugging his last drink he slammed some coins on the tabletop and got up to leave. Right after he left though he came storming back in and said,
"Listen up you mangey bastards" and everyone, terrified, immediately fell silent.
"Someone done took my horse. Now here's what's gunna happen. I'm
gunna order me another drink, finish it, and when I walk back outside this time my horse BETTER be there or else I'm gunna do what I did in Texas... and believe me, I don't want to do what I did in Texas!"
Like he said, after he fin- ished his drink he walked outside and sure enough, someone had returned his horse. He was getting on it when one of the bar patrons ran up to him and sheep- ishly asked,
"Sir I don't mean to both- er you but I just have to know, what did you do in Texas?"
The cowboy looked at him square in the eyes and replied, "I walked home".
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of inti- macy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and French kissed her passionately as her hus- band watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and qui- etly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'
The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing
A young waiter just had his first customer, which turned out to be a BIG BURLY truck driver.
The young man walked up to the table where the truck driver was sitting and asked; "Can I take your order sir?"
The truck driver replied, "Sure kid, I want three flat tires and two head- lights."
The young man was very puzzled and said, "I beg your pardon?"
The truck driver said again, "Look kid; I want three flat tires and two headlights."
The young man was still puzzled, but replied; "Yes sir, whatever."
The young man then took the request to his boss who was the head cook.
He told him about the truck driver's order, and that he wanted three flat tires and two headlights, “I think he's in the wrong place.”
The head cook said, "I know what he wants, he wants three flap jacks and two eggs sunny side up; the truck driver is just trying to be smart, I know him."
The cook said to the waiter "Here, take this bowl of beans, give it to him and say this."
The truck driver said, "Listen kid, I didn't order this; I said I wanted three flat tires and two head- lights."
The waiter replied, "Well sir, the head cook said while you wait for your parts, you can gas up!"
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661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;
motivated seller • 944-7171
SPORTinG
GOOdS
MX boots. O’Neal M10, size 10, new in box. Pd $150;
Council. 3030 E. Palmdale Blvd. Hours 9-5 m-Sat
VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
Old tire on wheel $10 • 943-
3422
380
20” Chrome rims & tires, 5 universal lugs $350 • 323- 381-5302379
Engine 5.7L & tranny for 98 Dodge Dakota 2500. $500 for all • 874-9658379
Camper shell for 98 Dodge Dakota, good cond $125 • 575-7994379
Set of 4 tires on 16” Lexus aluminum rims, xlnt cond $200 • 264-3928378
Parting out: 87 Toyota Odessey RV. Heavy duty auto tranny, 19k orig miles, you remove $300 • 309- 2818378
Drawtite tow hitch. Off of 1989 Ford F250, good cond $100 • 818-299-1416378
New super ride all season tire. 1” white wall P185/80R/13 $35 • 818- 299-1416378
Summit High tire. 195/60R/15 on rim for Honda $70 • 818-299-1416378
New Goodyear tire. 1” white wall on rim P235/75R/15 $70 • 818-299-1416378
Camper shell for 8’ truck bed • 948-5190378
New camper shell, used twice $75 • 208-5555378
Ford engine 390 w/ C6 tran- ny, complete $400 • 821- 0962378
2 tires: 205/60R/15 $25/each • 400-6914
378
Set of 4 truck tires & wheels. Fits any 5 lugs. 95% tread left. Great cond $475 • 998-0331378
Tailgate extender cage $125 • 998-0331380
Ladder rack $100 • 998- 0331378
Running board for F150 $150 • 998-0331378
Mercedes Benz brakelight lens covers for 1970-1980’s. Disconnected, ready to go. One pair $68 • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm377
mObILe HOme FOR SaLe! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dishwasher, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furni- tures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
sell $75 • 722-5978
378
MOBILE HOME
For Rent: Mobile or Trailer. $350/mo. 8262 E. Ave U, Littlerock • 733-6595379
For Sale: 1988 newly remodeled mobile home, double wide, 3+2, hardwood floors, marble kitchen, ceramic tiles. Space rent $450/mo. $35,000 • 789-
8729
378
For sale: 2+1, $7000 • 944- 4729378
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 • 824-3333336
STORAgE/ SPACE
Parking space for rent or for gardening to plant vegeta- bles or???. 5acres on Littlerock on 82nd Ave &
Ave U • 733-6595
376
SecuRe mInI STORage. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
VACATIOn
PROPERTy
Polo Towers timeshare in Las Vegas. Across from City Center & Bellagio. Very lux- urious accomodation. 1br/1ba. Deeded, annual usage. Thanksgiving week but floating & days can be divided if you want to go some other time. Strong exchange power. Fraction of developer’s price. Must sell! reduced to $3995, very
Power X men’s bike. 26’ tires, 18spd. Maroon & grey, almost new $80 • 818-299- 1416378
Atlas roadside basketball hoop w/ retriever $80 • 333- 8487376
Speed bag mount. All metal frame, new paint $38 • 272- 9273 bet 8am-8:30pm376
Pro-kick box dummy, good cond, 250lbs $125 • 382- 2781375
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
SWAP mEET
LancaSTeR mInI-maLL
44236 10th Street West Lancaster, CA 93534 (Bet Ave J & Ave J4) Mon-Wed-Thurs 10am-7pm
Fri-Sat: 10am-8pm Sun: 10am-6pm Tues: Closed 661-337-9279
PaLmdaLe InTeRnaTIOnaL SHOPPIng maLL 2520 E. Palmdale Bl Near Von’s & Burger King Hours: Mon, Wed, Thurs: 11am-8pm Fri-Sat: 11am-8pm Sun: 11am-6pm Tues: Close 267-6700
THRiFT STORE
neLLIe’S baRn THRIFT SHOP Now open Mon-sat 11am- 4:30pm A Non-profit. We welcome your donations 3005 E. Palmdale Bl#13 Palmdale 661-267-6750
VaLLey OaSIS THRIFT bOuTIQue Antiques, Appliances, Furniture, Clothing, Toys, Household items. We Carry it All! Daily Specials! We accept Donations. MC, Visa, check, cash. Se Habla Espanol. All Proceeds go to the Antelope Valley Domestic Violence