Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #488

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cos- metics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim com- plained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see some- thing really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
A famed English explorer was invit- ed to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.
"Can you imag- ine, a people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices
from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other ani- mals?"
When the stu- dents looked star- tled by such bar- barism, the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."
Hello?
Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is mommy near the phone?
No, daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Jon
After a brief pause, daddy say but honey you don’t have an Uncle Jon
Oh yes I do, & he’s upstairs in the room with mommy right now.
Brief pause. Uh ok then I want you to put the phone down &
run upstairs & knock on the door & shout to mommy that daddy’s car just pulled up.
Ok daddy just a min. A few min later the lil girl comes back to the phone.
I did it daddy.
And what hap- pened honey? Well mommy got scared, jumped outta bed naked & ran round screamin then tripped on the rug, hit her head on the dresser & now she isnt movin at all! OMG!!!
What bout your uncle Jon?
He jumped outta the back window into the pool. But I guess he didnt know you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of it & I think hes dead!
Real long pause! Then daddy says, Swimmin pool? Is this 486-5732?
Lil girl says No I think you have the wrong num- ber.
Driver Arrested After Trying To Race Police Car
By Thom Chandler
ALPHARETTA — Alpharetta police say they arrested a driver Wednesday who tried to race a marked police car.
In a post on the department’s Facebook page, police describe an incident where an officer observed a vehi- cle run a red light on North Point Parkway.
Keep in mind, the officer was in a marked car. As the officer was catching up to the driver to make the stop, another driver attempted to race the officer until he realized he was trying to race a police car.
The officer turned his atten- tion to the red light runner to pull over the racer.
According to the police report, when asked by the police officer why he was driv- ing so fast, the man said he saw the officer approaching quickly and thought it was someone trying to challenge him.
According to the department’s Facebook post, the man was also driving on a suspended license and was taken to jail.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine