Page 17 - iAV Antelope Valley Digital Magazine

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
A couple had been mar- ried for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the cel- ebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all these years, she would give them one wish each.
Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for herself and her husband to have a romantic vacation togeth- er, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! ... The wife had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the hus- band's turn and the fairy assured him he could have any wish he want- ed, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and kazoom! ... The hus- band turned 90!
After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own hand- writing to let him know he was still in the game.
Kennedy opened the let- ter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.
Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."
Welcome to the 21st century Where everything is Less
Our phones, wireless
Cooking, fireless
Cars ~ Keyless
Tires ~ Tubeless
Dress ~ Sleeveless
Youth ~ Jobless
Women ~ Topless
Leaders ~ Shameless
Relationships ~ Meaningless
Attitude ~ Careless Wives ~ Fearless
Babies ~ Fatherless Feelings ~ Heartless Education ~ Valueless Children ~ Mannerless
Everything is becoming LESS but still our hopes are ~ Endless.
Infactweare~ Speechless
And Government is ~ CLUELESS!!
And our Politicians are ~ WORTHLESS!!
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They
selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest, mean- est dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the big fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possi- bly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. "When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded.
When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have hap- pened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." "That's noth- ing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'"
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.
Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A: They don't have the guts.
moBILe Home For saLe! Double wide. 24x65, Aluminum sidings, 2+2, den. New ref range dishwasher, 2 cooler w/ Aircon in the kitchen. Includes all furni- tures, Fixtures, TV, appliances & others MUST SEE! 661-256-0868 serious inquiry !!!
FIrsT TIme Buyers
Why rent when you can own? Free list w/pics of homes available for under $1300/month WWW. rcaroseLLsHomes.com zero doWnPaymenT
661-860-7796
Amigo Real Estate, Agent #01785140
6735387
Furnished room in beautiful home, quiet area, Wifi, all utilities pd $500 • 733-1925387
Looking for roommate to share rent • 951-3752387
E. Palmdale: $400/mo, no deposit, must have income. All utilities pd • 547-3349387
Looking for room to rent: Young, female senior citizen w/ 2 small companion dogs is looking for room to rent • 406-6885
E. Lancaster: Close to all, pd utilities, pool & kitchen privileges $500 + $100deposit • 206-5815
3acres on Hwy 58. R1, flat w/ electric $48,000 • 824- 3333257
For sale: N. Edwards: 2.5 acres commercial land w/ 60’ Mobile Home, 2wells, 3,000sqft commercial bldg $299K • 824-3333
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain Prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us
Treadmill $300 • 794-8522387
Used helmet for hockey or football w/ full face guard $15 • 272-9273 bet 8:30am- 8:30pm only373
VEHiClES
ACCESSORIES
7 prs. of 14-16" snow chains. $10 each pair, or all for $60. All good cond, some new • 947-9680392
Early Mustang parts. new aftermarket 68LF fender, 65 fender extensions, headlight trim,timing cover, v-8 intake manifolds, gen bracket, gas caps, radio grills, windshield wipers. Lots more. All for $150, or sale parts • 947- 9680392
4 Dodge chrome alloy 20 in. wheels. 8 bolt pattern, 10" wide. Like new, used less than 2K miles. No scratch- es or road rash. Includes caps & bolts. No tires. $300
today.
Betty at 661-944- 7171
387
MOBILE HOME
For Sale: Commercial zoned. 2.5acres w/ mobile home & 3000sqft metal bldg in No. Edwards $100,000 • 824-3333336
STORAGE/
SPACE
secure mInI sTorage. $1 moves you in. Selected sizes. Call for details 24hrs Security, Private PO Boxes, No Deposit Required. Units 10’-12’ high not 8’ 661-947-5400 37560 Sierra Hwy Palmdale
SPORTinG
GOOdS
Treadmill machine $60 •
392 943-6071
Exercise bike $100 • 948- 2484391
Moving, must sell. Proform Crossfit treadmill, 6 mons
HOUSE
FOR SALE
Boron: 2+1, completely remodeled, small town, quiet area, close to all $45,000 • 818-212-3082
390
N. Edwards: 3+1, remod- eled in & out, fireplace, 1 car garage, fenced yard • 824-4442392
over 200 houses & con- dos in the antelope Valley. Bargain prices. These are bank owned, short pay, foreclosures. call us today. ask for Tony austin 661-722-5255 or Betty at 661-944-7171
LAND
2 Cemetery lots. Joshua Tree Memorial park $2000 each • 341-8367386
California City: Residential lot $14,900 • 944-7171
Lake LA: 2.5 acres $29,900 • 661-944-7171
Mojave: 17acres, agriculture on Hwy 58, flat, surveyed (4Lots). Power in front $100,000 • 824-3333
• 947-9680
392
$250 • 794-8522
390
Chevy power steering rac- ing box $250 • 483-7609391
Used OEM car parts in lot, great cond. All brands, domestics & imports • 488- 4352391
Car jack $15 • 256-4904
391
Parting out 1977 Ford F250 pick up, complete. Has not run for over 10yrs. No win- dows • 272-9273 bet 8am- 8:30pm only391
1973 Chevy am radio, origi-
390 nal $25 • 943-6071
1973 radio track, am/fm $40 • 943-6071390
1969 Fisher body service manual, very rare $35. In depth on everything but motor & Trans • 272-9273 bet 8am-8:30pm390
Repair manual for 1984-94 Ford Tempo & Mercury Topaz. Slightly used, good cond $15 • 272-9273 bet
Rally sports Tour De France bike $60 • 266-1947390
Pool table w/ new balls & sticks, good cond $150 •
389 818-667-0907
3) 20x20 large tent, different colors $300 for all • 944- 0240387
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661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;