Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #435

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Bloke Slathers His Penis In Vegemite To Conceal Drugs
One man went to great lengths to get drugs into Listen Out festi- val on Sunday.
The alleged was caught smuggling MDMA by sniffer dogs, with the drugs slathered in vegemite and cling-wrapped to his penis at the St Kilda music festival.
Police say the resourceful revel- er was one of 24 people found try- ing to take drugs into this year’s event at Catani Gardens, where a woman last year died from an overdose.
This year police
found ampheta- mines, MDMA, cannabis and ket- amine while another rowdy guy “threw a stubby” at a policeman after his drunk friend was booted out of the festival and subsequently he was charged with assault.
Port Phillip Acting Inspector Stuart Bailey has detailed to Leader newspa- per just how the man got the goods in, "we found several males had the drugs wrapped in plastic and wrapped around their penis,” he said.
“One smothered his MDMA in Vegemite believ- ing the ... dog would not be able to detect his drugs. Wrong!”
But Acting Insp. Bailey added, the 15,000-strong crowd were gen- erally well- behaved through- out the event.
“It was a warm day, St Kilda was pumping, but we didn’t have that many drugs ... we had probably more in the med- ical tents because of headaches and dehydration and things of that nature.”
A woman takes her sixteen year old daughter to a doctor.
The doctor says, “OK, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”
The mother says, “This is my daughter Frances. She keeps getting these crav- ings then she gets sick most of the mornings, but some- how she is still put- ting on weight.”
The doctor gives Frances a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Frances is pregnant – about four months would be my guess.”
The mother replies, “Pregnant!?! She can’t be. She has never had sex, or even been left alone with a man! Frances?”
Frances says, “No mother, I’ve never even kissed a man.”
The doctor walks to the window and just stares out it.
About five minutes pass and the mother asks impatiently, “Is there something wrong out there, Doctor?”
The doctor replies, “No, nothing wrong. It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill.
I’ll be damned if I am going to miss it this time.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
The brain is a won- derful organ...
It starts working the day you are born, and stops the day you fall in love...
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classi- fieds: "Wife wanted."
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing... "You can have mine!"
Teacher: "Jay,why are you down today?"
Jay: "Because my mom is at the hospi- tal and my dad is at the police station."
Teacher: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, dear. Do you want to go home?"
Jay: "Yes, please."
After Jay has left the classroom, the teacher asks the other classmates,
"Why is Jay's father at the police station and the mother at the hospital?"
Classmate: "Because his father is a policeman and his mom's a nurse."
An American tourist was visiting a small village in Newfoundland. He approached a local person and asked, "What's the quickest way to Marystown?"
The local, scratched his head, "Are ya walkin' er drivin'?" he asked the stranger.
"I'm driving," said the stranger.
"Well, that's the quickest way."
What is the differ- ence between in- laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are usually wanted.
Relationships are a lot like algebra...
Have you ever looked at your 'X' and wondered 'Y'?
A magician comes up to our table and does a card trick.
Impressed, I asked him how he did it.
He says "I can tell you, but I'd then have to kidnap you and take you away."
I said, "Can you tell my mother-in-law?"
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine