Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #473

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A grandmother was pushing her grand- child around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here is something for you, Diploma," or "This will make a cute lit- tle outfit for you, Diploma," and so on.
Eventually a bewil- dered shopper who had heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this baby is what she came home with!"
It had been snow- ing for hours when an announcement came over the University's inter- com: "Will the stu- dents who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plow- ing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announce- ment: "Will the twelve hundred stu- dents who went to move 26 cars please return to class.
Thoughts To ponder
1. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work sta- tion.
2. Why is "bra" sin- gular and "panties" plural?
3. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
4. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bath- room is?
5. If electricity comes from elec- trons, does morality come from morons?
6. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
7. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
8. I thought about how my mother fed me with a tiny spoon and fork, so I wonder what Chinese mothers
use? Toothpicks?
9. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of it's nose?
10. If you're send- ing someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
11. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
12. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, "Talking Dog for Sale."
Intrigued, he walks in. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog.
"I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the resi- dents of a retire- ment home."
The guy is flabber- gasted. He asks the dog's owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incred- ible dog like that?"
The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"
Arkansas Woman Murders Husband For Refusing To Quit Porn
A woman "flew into a rage" and fatally shot her husband after seeing a bill that showed a porn channel had been added to their TV account, a court has heard.
Patricia Hill, 69, is on trial in Arkansas accused of mur- dering her 65- year-old hus- band, Frank Hill, at their home in Pine Bluff last
July.
According to local paper the Pine Bluff Commercial, prosecutors say she had previ- ously cancelled the pornography channel and shot Mr Hill twice after seeing it had again been added to their satellite TV bill.
Defense lawyer Bill James told the court that doctors would
testify about Patricia Hill's mental state and that she saw the porn as a "per- sonal affront".
Police said Mr Hill was found dead on 28 July 2018 after they received a 911 call from Patricia Hill.
He was found in a shed with a gunshot wound to the upper and lower body.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine