Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #457

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
I can imagine that after 50 years of marriage, certain things aren’t that hot and spicy as they used to be.
Especially between the sheets...
This lovely couple, on the other hand, did something about it, but it did not end exactly as the wife had hoped for...
After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her hus- band, begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her but- tock and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceed- ed up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion
of her leg. He con- tinued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?’
To which he responded: ‘I found the remote.’...
A local veterinarian was known for his wry humor. He sur- passed himself one summer day when a woman, who was visiting, brought a dog to him after an encounter with a porcupine.
After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.
"$150 dollars, ma'am," he answered.
"Now that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with you people, you're always trying to overcharge sum- mer visitors. What doyoudointhe winter, when there is no one here to
overcharge?"
"Raise porcupines, ma'am."
A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman. He asked the police- man, "Why was I pulled over when I wasn't the only one speeding."
The policeman replied, "Have you ever been fishing?"
The man then said, "Yes, I have."
"Well, have you ever caught all the fish?" asked the policeman.
A mother and son were washing dish- es while the father and daughter were watching TV in the family room.
Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her dad and said, "It was Mom."
"How do you know?"
"She didn't say anything."
Question: What’s the best way to make a small for- tune in the stock market?
Answer: Start off with a big one.
Momof 5killedinCrashAfter
Boyfriend Cut Her Brake
LinestoMakeCrackPipe
A 38-year-old mother of five liv- ing in Scranton is dead following a car crash that police say was caused by her boyfriend cutting her brake lines, Pennsylvania State Police say.
John William Jenkins Jr., 39, cut the brake lines "in an attempt to obtain a metal pipe that could be used to smoke crack cocaine," according to state police at Dunmore in Lackawanna County.
Police charged Jenkins with homi- cide in the death of Tammy A. Fox, and he is being held without the possibility of bail.
Fox, a Jersey City native, was driving her black Hyundai Sonata about 10 a.m. Aug. 22 west on Pine Street in Scranton when "her vehicle began to accelerate," police say in a news release.
The car crossed through the inter- section of Pine Street and North
Washington Avenue where it "violently struck a tree," according to police.
Fox died of her injuries suffered in the crash.
"A mechanical inspection and search of Fox's vehicle showed that the brake lines had been cut," police said.
Jenkins told police in an interview he had cut the brake lines the night before while at the couple's home, the release states. Public records show Fox lived on South Ninth Avenue in Scranton, near Steamtown
National Historic Site, less than 2 miles from the crash.
Fox was a gradu- ate of Scranton High School and Lackawanna College, according to her obituary.
A gofundme.com fundraising effort is set up to help her family with funeral expenses and care for her five children.
Jenkins was arraigned Tuesday night on the homi- cide count and sent to the Lackawanna County prison. A preliminary hear- ing is tentatively scheduled Sept. 7.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine