Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #408

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A High School teacher was lecturing her class on why companies advertise and what they do to make people remember them. "That's why companies have slo- gans," he explained.
"For example, who can tell me which company says, 'I'm loving it!'" To which the students reply, "McDonald's!" All the stu- dents knew that one.
"How about 'My Baloney has a first name.'" To which some of the stu- dents said "O-S-C-A-R."
He mentioned a few more, and discovered that his class was pretty savvy about slogans.
Then he asked, "Whose slogan is 'Just do it!'" to which one boy quickly shouted out "My Mom!"
I couldn’t decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices.
“Airfare to Denver is $300,” the cheery sales- person replied.
“And what about Salt Lake City?”
“We have a really great rate to Salt Lake—$99,” she said “But there is a stopover.”
“Where?” “In Denver,” she said.
Points to Ponder
1. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
2. Why don't you ever see the headline, "psy- chic wins lottery"?
3. Why is abbreviated such a long word?
4. Why do doctors call what they do "practice"?
5. Why do you need to click on "start" to stop windows?
6. Why is lemon juice made with artificial fla- voring, while washing up liquid contains real lemons?
7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
8. Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?
9. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitos?
10. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
11. Why don't they make the whole plane out of the same material as the indestructible black box?
12. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
13. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
14. Why do they call the airport the "terminal" if flying is so safe?
15. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
16. Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
17. Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
18. Why can't we tickle ourselves?
19. Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
20. If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
A Sunday school teacher asked her first graders.
"Where is God?"
The room was filled with children that raised their hands to respond.
"Okay, Mary, Where is God?"
"He is everywhere,"
"Very good that’s right." But still there were two children that didn’t put their hands down, so the teacher continued. "Okay, Michael, Where is God?"
"God is inside me." " Very good that’s right."
Now there was one boy sitting in the back of the class waiving his hand. He was the last child with his hand up, so the teacher called on him.
"Okay, Danny, Where is God?"
"He’s in our bathroom."
Well the teacher just had to ask, "How do you know he’s in the bath- room?"
The answer came,
"Every morning my father knocks on the bathroom door and says, ‘My God are you still in there?’ "
My neighbor was work- ing in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. He said with excitement "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month and I am now old enough that I don't even need a dri- ver's license anymore. You see the last time I went to my doctor he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and hand- ed it to him. He took scissors out of the draw- er, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, say- ing........
'You won't need this any- more.' So I thanked him, got in my car and left!"
This Letter Perfectly Captures Wh a t I t ’ s L i k e T o B e A K i d SpendingTheDayWithGrandma
I never expected to see the beautiful words my granddaughter Kelly wrote to me at the end of last year. her letter brought back so many precious memories. It’s been 20 years since I babysat six of my grand- children, with the help of my own daughters. I never realized what an impact a babysitter has on a child until I read Kelly’s letter, excerpted here.
Dear Grandma,
It was nice seeing you at Christmas. You looked so happy!
After losing two grand- parents within the past year, I have taken some time to reflect on what is most important ... . I wanted to let you know what a positive influence you have been on me. I am the person I am because of you.
I remember being at your farm a lot when I was younger. I remem- ber the projects you had planned for us. We made Indian teepees out of feed sacks. We made
grass skirts out of baling twine and elastic waist- bands. We painted rocks to represent our family members. We made doll clothes out of colorful socks.
We made numerous “playhouses” in the grove, complete with hammocks. We learned that if you left a bucket of soybeans in the rain, you would soon have a bucket of growing beans. We learned that if you put paper stream- ers in water, you would get what looked like Kool-Aid, but you could- n’t drink it. We learned that if it was rainy or cold outside, you could always make a fort inside using chairs and blankets.
We learned that if we helped pick the raspber- ries in the morning, we’d have them in a red sauce on our ice cream in the afternoon. We learned that irises come in lots of different colors. We learned that some plants have funny names, like the elephant ear plant and hen and chicks. We figured out
that milkweed pods look like fish, and we’d go “fishing” in the ditch along the driveway.
We learned that Grandma would say she liked anything you made, even if you were testing her. We made the ugliest braided bracelets with random colors of yarn, and Grandma said she liked each and every one.
We learned that you could make do with what you had. We learned that making things out of paper and cardboard was more fun than what came inside the packag- ing. We learned it was OK to get dirty, but Grandma would wash us up before Mom came.
You once made models of everyone’s houses, which made me want to be an architect. Another time, you made quilts for all of the grandkids. I still use mine every night. The edging has worn out, but I have been taught the skills to fix it.
I chose you to be my confirmation sponsor because I loved and respected you. You were always patient, with a quiet determination.
Grandma, thank you for all of the memories and skills you have taught me. I hope that I am able to pass on a similar legacy to my children and grandchildren.
Love always, Kelly
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