Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #453

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Food, Family, Fourth of july, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act? The Americans licked the British!
How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America? Because freedom rings.
What's red, white, black and blue? Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty. What was General Washington's favorite tree? The infantry.
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames? A Fire Cracker!
What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen- dance.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It can't sit down.
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington's army? Laughayette
Why did the duck say bang? Because he was a firequacker.
What's the differ- ence between a duck and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill
Why were the first Americans like ants? They lived in colonies.
What do you eat on July 5th? Independence Day- Old-Pizza.
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his coun- try? Beneduck Arnold.
What did the fuse say to the fire- cracker? Lets get together and "pop it like its hot".
How do you start the 4th of July parade in the ghet- to? Roll a 40 down the street.
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772? The Boston Flea Party.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington? Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up!
What do you call a duck on the fourth of July? A fire quacker.
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? The Fodder of Our Country!
What did one flag say to the other flag? Nothing. It just waved.
Which colonists told the most jokes? Punsylvanians!
What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall!
What would you get if you crossed Patrick Henry with a hungry boy?
A patriot who says, "Give me lasagne or give me death!"
What was Thomas Jefferson's favourite dessert? Monti jello!
What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?
A bald beagle!
Woman Rides Paddleboard From Cuba To Florida Keys
By The AP
A Florida woman has completed a more than 100- mile (160-kilo- meter) voyage from Cuba to the Florida Keys on a standup paddleboard.
Victoria Burgess arrived in Key West on Wednesday,
paddling across the Florida Straits in just under 28 hours.
Burgess is believed to be the first woman to make the trip from Cuba to the Keys on a standup paddle- board. The 34- year-old said that she wanted to set a record and serve to
inspire others to accomplish their goals. She says she hopes to have the feat sanctioned by Guinness World Records.
Burgess is a Pompano Beach fire inspector, previ- ously having served as a fire- fighter and paramedic.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine