Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #406

The only true FREE CLASSIFIEDS in the Antelope Valley... Where buyers and sellers meet!
Hearing his wife as she sings, the husband says, "You know dear, when you sing like that I just wish you were on the radio."
The wife smiles and replies, "Wow honey, you think I am that good?"
"No, but at least that way I can change the station or turn it off."
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
A woman had bought lots of shoes over time and she decided it was time to kick the habit. She really took it seriously, even changing her driv- ing route to avoid her favorite shoe store. One evening, however, she arrived home carrying a shoe box. Her husband grinned at her, but it did- n't faze her at all.
"These are very special shoes," she explained. "I accidentally drove by the shoe store and there in the window were the most perfect shoes I've ever seen! I felt this was no accident, so I thought I'd let fate decide. If I would get a parking spot directly in front of the shop, the shoes were meant for me. And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!"
Peter's Dad bought his Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Peter's Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"How come?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."
A woman accompanied her husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, She found a hairstyle She liked for herself. She asked the receptionist if She could take the mag- azine next door to make a copy of the photo.
"Leave some ID, a dri- ver's license or a credit card," she said.
"But my husband is here getting a haircut," The woman explained.
"Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for.
"Son, I found a condom in your room"
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
A man in a Ferrari stops at a red light next to old guy on a scooter. he rolls down the window and says "this car can do 0.to.100 mph in less than the time your scooter starts to move..."
The old man nods in agreement and asks to peek in. The man let's him look in ... the old man is visibly impressed.
The light turns green and Mr Ferrari floors it to the next traffic light. As he slows down for the next stop he glances in the rear view mirror and sees the old man as a speck in the distance but gaining rapidly!
The old man on the scooter whooshes by the Ferrari at an incredible speed .... the man is
stunned. now the scooter flies BACK to the car .... and whooshes by again.
Then forward again....and he hears the old man screaming ... "yaaaaaaaa Unhook my suspenders from your mirror...!!!!"
WhenIwas9,Iwas touched by an Angel.
Angel Martinez, currently serving 16 years.
I told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud...
She replied, "It should. It was fresh ground this morning"
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech."And what if I swallow it?" "No prob- lem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomor- row like everyone else does."
A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police.
"What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."
So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!”
Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any bet- ter, I would be twins!”
He was a unique man- ager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employ- ee how to look on the positive side of the situ- ation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?” Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.’ I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complain- ing, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”
“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.
“Yes it is,” Jerry said.
“Life is all about choic- es. When you cut away all the junk, every situa- tion is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.”
I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant indus- try to start my own busi- ness. We lost touch, but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant busi- ness: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gun- point by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervous- ness, slipped off the combination. The rob- bers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with frag- ments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?”
I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry
replied. “Then, as I lay on the floor, I remem- bered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”
“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose conscious- ness?” I asked. Jerry continued, “The para- medics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, ‘He’s a dead man.’ I knew I needed to take action.”
“What did you do?” I asked.
“Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doc- tors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply... I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”
Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
By Francie Baltazar- Schwartz
Let this really sink in.....then choose how you start your day tomorrow.
16
661-266-4-ADS
ANTELOPE VALLEY FREE CLASSIFIEDS ;