Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #450

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.”
They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride.
So they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he
fell into the river and drowned.
**The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good- bye.**
Peter's Dad bought his Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said Peter's Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"How come?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures allur- ingly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers.
When he does so, she begins to gen- tly caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
“Are you the man- ager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” he replies.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him.” she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t” breathes the bar- man, evidently get- ting a bit hot under the collar by this point. “Is there any- thing I can do?”
“Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues huskily, touching his lips.
“Tell him,” she says, “that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies’ room.”
My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what hap- pened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.
She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"
"What's the mat- ter?" I asked.
"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."
"That'll teach them!" I replied.
Woman Detained After Feces Flinging Incident At Langley Tim Hortons
A woman could be facing charges after an irate confronta- tion at a Langley Tim Hortons Monday ended in feces being thrown at staff.
On Wednesday, disturbing sur- veillance video showing Tim Hortons staff being harassed was posted on Liveleak and YouTube.
In the video, which has no sound, a woman can be seen screaming at staff before squatting on the floor and reliev- ing herself. She then picks up the excrement and throws it at staff.
Langley RCMP Cpl. Holly Largy confirmed that RCMP received a complaint and
attended.
She said a woman was detained and released on documentation to attend court at a later date.
The B.C. Prosecution Service will review the cir- cumstances and determine if charges will be laid.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine