Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #534

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
I can’t tell the dif- ference between a rose and a dan- delion.
So when it came time to fix up my garden, I had no clue which plants to keep and which ones to remove.
Until, that is, my mother gave me this handy tip: “Pull them all up. If it comes back, it’s a weed.”
Men are like fine wine...
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into some- thing you'd like to have dinner with.
Cockroaches are found to be capa- ble in surviving a nuclear holocaust, yet one swat with a newspaper and it would die.
Shows how toxic the media is.
"You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're shopping, I'll browse in the hardware store."
An hour later, she returned and saw him at the check- out counter. The
clerk was ringing up the last of a pile of tools and supplies that would fill two wheelbarrows.
"Are you buying all this?" his wife asked incredu- lously.
"Well, yes," he said, embar- rassed. Then waving his arm toward the interior of the store, he added, "But look at all the stuff I'm leaving behind!"
I have the most marvelous recipe for meatloaf...
All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out."
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day...
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
My friend seemed really down as we were having an after work visit to the local bar. After a few beers he finally shared his story. "I finally snapped. Last night while I was going over the bills, I discovered how much money my wife squan- ders and I hit the
roof. I stormed into the bedroom and gave her a lecture on econo- my and thrift.”
“Did it help?”
“I’ll say. Tomorrow we’re selling my boat and sailing equipment.”
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, trou- bles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, dar- ling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."
A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birth- day.
"I'd like a little brother," a boy said.
"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?"
"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."
Arby's To Sell Two Vodka Flavors Inspired By Its Curly And Crinkle Fries
By Jarrod Clay
COLUMBUS, Ohio (WSYX) — Arby's may have the meats, but it will soon have something else for the palette for those over 21...vodka.
Arby’s is entering the world of spir- its by offering two "delicious and distinctive" fla- vors of 80 proof vodka inspired by its curly and crin- kle fries.
The limited-edi- tion vodkas are made by Tattersall Distilling in Minneapolis. The company said it is made from high-quality pota- toes and distilled
with ingredients that pay homage to the curly and crinkle fries.
The Curly Fry Vodka is said to be distilled with cayenne, papri- ka, onion and garlic, and "pre- serves the distin- guished and authentic flavor profile of the tra- ditional Arby’s Curly Fry."
The Crinkle Fry Vodka is said to be a subtle trib- ute to its name- sake with kosher salt and sugar.
Arby's has also partnered with celebrity chef Justin Sutherland, who created two bloody mary
recipes use both vodka flavors. The recipes also include Arby's menu items like Horsey sauce and Arby's sauce.
The two vodkas will be available in limited quanti- ties on November 18 with a second release coming on November 22. They can be pur- chased for $59.99 online to residents 21 and over in California, Connecticut, Washington DC, Florida, Idaho, Lousiana, Minnesota, Nebraska, Nevada, Oregon, West Virginia, and Wyoming.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine