Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #458

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Woman customer in restaurant: "I'd like a margarita please."
Waiter: "I'll need to see your ID."
Customer (giggling while showing her ID): "You think I look like a teenag- er?"
Waiter: "No. I thought you quali- fied for our senior citizen discount."
Most men are like bank accounts...
When they don't have a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniver- sary card. The clerk replied, "We have birthday
cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"
The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers both events! You see, we're cel- ebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday."
I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer came across as an intimi-
dating showman.
After several ques- tions, he asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?"
There was an awk- ward silence. All of a sudden you heard, "I do."
The lawyer looks around the court- room, and then turns to the judge. "Your Honor, I was- n't asking you, I was asking the jurors."
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of retirees when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which she grateful- ly munches up.
After about 15 min- utes, she taps him on the shoulder again and hands him another hand- ful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him anoth- er batch he asks her: "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?"
“We can't chew them because we have no teeth," she replies. "We just love the chocolate coating on them."
A mom shark is
teaching her son how to hunt swim- mers properly.
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“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.”
“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?”
“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intes- tines?”
A child’s observa- tion: If a mother laughs at dad’s jokes, we have guests.
Little Johnny once bought his Grandma a very nice, luxurious toi- let brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a couple of weeks later, it wasn't in the bathroom.
Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Gran, what hap- pened to the toilet brush I gave you?”
“Darling, I'm sorry but I just didn’t like it. It was too scratchy. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper.”
Georgia School To Start Paddling Students As Discipline
Paddling stu- dents is now a disciplinary poli- cy at a Georgia charter school and parents who don't con- sent have to agree to up to five days of sus- pension for their children instead.
WRDW-
TV reports the Georgia School for Innovation and the Classics sent
parents a letter last week ask- ing permission to hit children with a wooden paddle. Superintendent Jody Boulineau says the kinder- garten through ninth grade school has received a little more than 100 of the forms back and a third of them give consent to use the paddle.
Boulineau says the corporal punishment won't be used often, and just the threat of it will be a deter- rent.
The form says students will be spanked on the buttocks in an office with closed doors and shouldn't be struck more than three times
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine