Page 24 - Three of Happiness

In Part One of the Tree of Happiness, we introduce a varia on of S nky Thinking, with the idea of Wizard Statements. Unlike S nky Thinking which may be situa onal or ee ng, Wizard Statements are S nky Thinking beliefs that have become rmly rooted in our belief system. They are absolutes; (I am unlovable. They are not subject to modi ca on (I made an “F” not because I did not study but because I am stupid. Their validity can not be ques oned (I’ve always been like this. Their origin is frequently unknown (I don’t know why it is, it just is. Finally, they are frequently so habituated that we are not aware of them (I just went on automa c pilot).
These ridged automa c thoughts (Wizard Statements are used to evaluate our lives, others, our future etc., without ever understanding their existence much less their validity. Even young children have developed such beliefs and part of your e orts to be a good parent is to help them iden fy these beliefs and to determine if they are ra onal. The child whose repeated failures seem to be counter to their intelligence may need to iden fy their Wizard Belief and challenge and change it. This belief could range from “I am too stupid to pass so why try” to “I am so smart I will pass even if I don’t study .”
Both of these are Wizard Beliefs because they have no basis in reality. As long as the child insists on adhering to the belief, they are doomed to fail. There may be some historical ra onale for such thinking. Perhaps they were called stupid in the past. They may have a low tolerance for frustra on and experienced failure in the past for lack of prepara on. Conversely, previous classes may not have challenged them and they could succeed with minimal e ort. It is possible that no one will ever know the genesis of the irra onal Wizard Belief but you can observe its consequences.
Reinforce a child’s e ort to iden fy their “core beliefs” and to classify them as ra onal or irra onal. “I did not study because I told myself that it would be so easy I can pass .” There is no need to try and have your children iden fy all their various irra onal Wizard Beliefs but you want them to recognize that they have them and to teach them how to iden fy and change them.
The next concept introduced in Part One is the idea of an ELF. Someone (or thing or belief which holds the “Key” to happiness. This is one of the most universal irra onal beliefs of mankind. “Since our unhappiness is caused by factors and others outside of ourselves than our happiness is also dependent on factors and people outside of ourselves.”
Humans tend to believe in some type of “Tree of Happiness,” (money, posi on, a rac veness and search for the “Elf” that will provide the “Key .” It is easy to
recognize this in adults but it too begins in childhood even if it is not be as drama c with children. Their happiness may depend on a certain type of clothes or electric game. Perhaps it is being selected for a team or play. Maybe it is being accepted by the “in crowd” or whatever irrationally is seen as the “means to happiness” by that individual.
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