Page 25 - Three of Happiness

Your efforts should be geared toward encouraging an attitude of “It would be nice but..." This type of thinking accepts the human predisposition to like externally enhanced “happiness” but does not demand it or see it as imperative for personal happiness. “It would be nice to make the team (the homecoming court, buy the new CD but if it does not happen, it is not the end of the world. I can live without it, try again next year, do something else.” This type of self-talk is Coping because it recognizes that we have preferences, desires, likes and so on but that if these are not meant, we will survive.
You should encourage and reinforce such coping with disappointment and adversity. This is di erent than just “grin and bare it,” only to have them fall to pieces later. Rather, it is an acceptance of reality (I did not make the team an opportunity to learn (what could I have done di erently and a refusal to catastrophes (there will be another opportunity next year and if I don’t make it then, I will just do something else. This skill of coping with disappointment and adversity, if learned as children will go a long way to insure that as adolescents and adults they don’t look for “Elves” to give the “Key” of happiness in the form of dysfunc onal rela onships, drugs, alcohol or criminal behavior.
Another common human characteris c to be challenged with this story is the need for approval and assurance. The Advisors in the story did not support the Queen’s desire to build the Road. Ordinarily, she would have given in to their demands. But by keeping the idea of obtaining happiness in her mind she was able to withstand their demands that she give up on the “Road Idea .”
Most of us, are by our nature mostly followers. Every parent has said something to the e ect of, “Well if Johnny jumped o the bridge would you?” The ability to withstand the “herd ins nct” is di cult. If everyone says it’s blue but it looks green to you, would you stand up and say that it is green?
Encourage ra onal independent decision-making. It is okay for a child to do something that is based on Good Thinking, because it is in their best long-term best self-interest, without intent of harming others, even if the others disapprove. This could be as simple as an act of politeness when most are being rude, to comple ng a project while the others are busy being distracted. Whenever you are going against the “norm” for a ra onal reason, even if it is self-edifying (the reason I worked un l I nished is because I did not want to have come back tomorrow, you are learning the skills necessary to go counter to your “advisors” when their guidance is against your best self-interest.
The nal analogy in Part One is the Road. It was the rst thing the Queen had to do to achieve happiness. It all has to do with planning. Reward others for se ng goals, short term, intermediate and long term goals. “If you want to (be a... or get a... what will
you have to do today, next week, next month to achieve that goal. Now write it down as well as everything that is necessary to get that done today, next week, etc. Every day, list which of those things you have accomplished to be sure that you are moving down
your Road.
As this story moves into Part Two and concludes, you and your children will see that there is nothing magical about success and happiness. It all has to do with a ra onal belief system and hard work. Too o en, this understanding comes late in life and even more often, it never comes.
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