Page 19 - Patrice's Club Summaries

EMOTIONAL SIGNAL LIGHT
Anyone can become angry-this is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the
right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way ... this is not easy. Aristotle, the Nicomachean Ethics 300 BC
You will often hear people say things like, "I only did that because I was so angry," or "I was just too embarrassed to say anything." Because we have an awareness of our physical reaction to situations and people, we assume that these sensations (labeled emotions) are what cause our reaction in that situation. "He said such and such and that made me angry, so I told him off. I would not have done that if I was not feeling so angry."
But your physiological reaction (emotions) and behavior in a situation are both due to the same thing, your thinking.
Very often your thinking (if you are a typical human being) in these situations will be the result of past experiences, unreasonable expectations rather than the reality of the event. Since your thinking determines your emotions, your emotions in these typical situations will be inappropriate or too intense.
Since you are having an inappropriate or too intense emotion in a situation, your behavior will also be inappropriate or too intense. "I just did that because I was angry and now I feel very bad about how I acted."
So, what should you do if you want to get better control of your life? Learn to use your emotions as your “signal light”. Learning to use your Emotional Signal Light is a coping skill for life.
COPING
The ability to experience a less than optimal situation,
face it, accept it and proceed forward with an adaptive response.
This is a worthwhile goal for all of us. Unfortunately, few of us ever have the opportunity to learn the cognitive coping skills that make this possible.
As with most skills, it would be far better if you learn them when you are young. But little effort is given to teaching coping skills until behavioral problems have become obvious and significant. Teach the Emotional Signal Light skill to your children so that they can learn how to use Life Coping Skills. Most of us react (behave) to a situation the same way over and over again. We do this even when the way we act is not appropriate and we get in trouble or feel bad about our behavior later. We say things like, "I just felt angry and that is why I did it." Or, we say something like, "He/she made me mad and that is why I hit him/her."