Page 23 - Virge 2025

happen again. So, you pretend
I know I'll regret not hugging her before
they did to make memories have
she went out the door. And sure, I'll
BY PHYLLIS SCHWAIGER
purpose. In my heart, I suppose
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JIN AE SOO
know she wouldn’t want me to, but I'll
she was the person that held the
still feel sorry that I didn't try to kiss her.
key, deciding when to give it to
Then, when I have a closed door to my
someone. I wouldn’t know then,
daughter's face, I'll think of the swings
what she would be to me, on the
from the cherry trees, and I'll wonder
swings from the cherry trees, or
how I swung that high. Of course, it was
on my 16th birthday or maybe
her, as it always was, pushing me with
not even when she drove me to
her arms. I hadn’t noticed it then, nor
college, but I swear I would know
had I noticed that her hands too were
by the time I had a baby of my
sticky from sap of those old cherry trees.
own. My mother, maybe
I wish I had known, because maybe I
controlling at times and maybe
wouldn’t have cried if I knew I was just
unfair, didn't need to win a race
like her. Just like my mother, how I had
to win my love. I'd never want to
always wished to be. Just how I hope my
be one if my mother was not.
daughter will be.
Though sometimes rage blinds
me of that truth, I still know it.
By God, I wish I was wiser,
because maybe the fights
would’ve gone faster if I knew the
underlying feeling from her was
love and bitterness that I didn't
need her as much these days. I
wish I had known that those
groundings were hugs from
behind the slammed doors. I wish
I had known, because if I had I
would’ve opened them and told
her I was sorry for yelling,
because really all a mother wants
is to be a mother forever.
Because when a baby grows to
walk, a mother will still carry that
baby in her arms. When it gets
tired of hills, and when a baby can
talk that mother will still give that
baby what they wanted before
the words come out. Mothers
know so much but they are still
only daughters that wish they had
known what their mothers had. I
know one day I'll slam a door on
my daughter and cry because I
know I made her cry.
Layout Credit: Lily Campbell, Grade 12
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