Page 19 - flip book- How To Survive Baby Loss

What to Expect Within the Unexpected

ternity leave,” then bleeding around 8:35 pm before
he was welcomed into heaven....too bad I have to be at
work and not home with family today. This year has
been life-changing in so many good and tough ways. I
really don’t have eloquent words. Words can’t change
anything. We are taking the day off as a family tomor-
row, and Abijah wants to know what I want to do. How
about taking a trip to heaven and spending the day with
Ethan then coming back? Abijah said, “We won’t want to
leave.” True, Heaven is too good to leave-too good to
miss by rejecting Jesus. This I know: Death is a tempo-
rary separation when you surrender to Jesus, people
can be incredibly supportive and eternity matters!”

The first year is a good time to figure out what you would
like to do to honor your child as you face this and future an-
niversaries. There should be no pressure to decide what to do
permanently, because it could change from year to year. We de-
cided to have a “happy heavenly birthday” party. We did this
partly because our young daughter wanted to have cake and
presents for him. I had plans to do a smaller celebration, but we
wanted to honor her request and honor his little life and the im-
pact it had made. The people that showed up to his party really
honored us and him. I look back on the pictures with fondness
and love. A fellow parent of loss heard about what we did and
was inspired to plan a happy five year birthday party in heaven
for her own child. It’s never too late to celebrate your child’s life
if you so desire.

Up to this point, I had never tried to change the fact that my
baby hadn’t lived, but now that we approached his year anni-
versary, I was feeling anxious, as we were approaching our first
year of many years in which we could not fix, change or wish it
away. I struggled with wanting to change the outcome.

You never know when struggles will arise, so one aspect to
consider is the benefit of getting counseling. Too many people
feel shame or embarrassment that they may even need counsel-
ing for a season, yet many in this community who have sought
counseling have greatly benefited from having that supportive

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