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Death’s Lesson 107
I had heard some months before that Dr. K. was ill, supposedly from the recurrence of a slipped disk in his lower back. I understood he had severe back pain and had to take time out from his practice and stay flat in bed. “Is it anything more serious than this?” I asked the secretary.
“Sam, this is in confidence and not to be repeated, but Dr. K. has metastatic cancer and may be terminally ill. He has severe pain in his back and spine from the spreading cancer and can’t get out of bed. He’s depressed about the illness. He knows that traditional medicine can’t give much hope and is willing to try anything that might offer some relief.” I immediately called Dr. K. and arranged a visit.
Walking past the Volkswagen camper bus and boy’s bicycle parked in the drive, I approached an open expanse of lawn shaded by tall stately trees. Dr. K.’s house was a spacious, modernistic structure of wood and glass. His young family was growing up in a fine part of sunny San Diego. But inside the house there was a solemn stillness; there was no laughter here, although I could hear the rustling of a child in a nearby room. In a moment, I was sitting next to my bedridden friend.
His familiar beard gone, his hair thinning and falling out from toxic chemotherapy, Dr. K. lay flat and still from pain. In his soft eyes, I could see sorrow and strain. A claustrophobic stillness enveloped the room.
“I’m mostly sad about having to leave my loved ones, and not being able to share love with patients and family anymore,” he said with a voice now weak and shaking with sadness. “1 never thought this would happen to me; I can’t believe it. Why me—now, after so many years of study and work—just at the strongest point of my career? I could do so much to help people. I could give so much to my family.” He paused, his gaze turning inward for a moment.
I was shocked by the suddenness myself. The last time I had seen Dr. K., he stood out as one of the most competent medical doctors in the city. In his mid-40’s, he was the strength and pride of his family, a leader in his community. Now he lay weak and failing, feeling destroyed and humiliated at being a burden to his family, and in constant pain, terribly depressed and unable to care for himself.
“The doctors at the University haven’t given me much hope,” he whispered. “The primary cancer is from the lungs. What an irony;