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106 SPIRIT AND THE MIND
to be unmade, to be readied for the possibility of becoming fully open to all possibilities. Before it the entire “real” physical world dissolves, and we come face-to-face with either nothingness . . . or God.
In October, 1978, a month before my tenth trip to India, I received a phone call from Dr. K., a respected San Diego orthopedist. He had heard of my planned trip and asked to come along. I was surprised; most of my professional friends treated Sai Baba with skepticism and kept their distance.
Although not knowing him well socially, I respected Dr. K. professionally, and we occasionally referred patients to each other. He was a brilliant doctor, with great warmth and compassion. Just one year before, I had consulted with him when my wife Sharon developed a chest pain. We never found the cause of the pain (it was probably muscular in origin and due to a virus), but his thoroughness and warmth were comforting and greatly appreciated. I was delighted to hear of his interest and welcomed his company. He was not absolutely sure, however, and said he would get back to me in a week with his final decision.
Two weeks passed before his call. “Sam, I’ve really been thinking seriously about this trip. After a lot of struggle, I’ve decided not to go. You know, I am undergoing an analysis and my psychiatrist and I see my interest in this trip as a way of avoiding dealing directly with my depression. I think it’s best to stay and face the problem. Perhaps I can join you some other time.”
I wanted so much to say to him, “Why dismiss this yearning for God as neurotic, why consider belief in Him only a crutch or an opiate? Why take your depression so seriously, letting it deny the possibility of a genuine and uplifting spiritual experience? Where is your sense of adventure, your curiosity, your spunk, your imagination— your vision?. Please don’t discount your yearning for God—your intuitive grasp of the infinite: your dreams, your hopes, your aspirations. Please don’t explain away these precious aspects of your humanity as avoidance behavior due to a depression.”
But I didn’t say any of this to Dr. K.; I wished him well and promised to share my experiences with him when I returned.
Two years later, I received a call from Dr. K.’s secretary. He was very ill; would I visit him? He had been thinking of Sai Baba and wondered if the vibuthi ash would help his illness.