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Darshan 149
At first I was delighted with his interest, but then after a while, I began to have second thoughts. I really hadn’t firmed up any specific plans and didn’t know how the group would react, especially after a long plane trip and jet-lag. I could see it now—no doubt they would see me as a religious fanatic telling them the Lord has come, and would you like to join me for a visit with Him? I might look like a real scatterbrain—not only to the psychiatrists, but how about to Baba if no one came?
Now the fight with my monkey mind began. My thoughts turned to the Nataraja form of Shiva,2 dancing on the child body of desire, burning it to ash and encouraging detachment, granting peace and equanimity. These very same sweet feet were dancing on my mind.
What makes you think that “doing” is so important? Be equal- minded. Then you will not be bothered about “doing” or “not doing,” success or failure; the balance will remain unaffected by either. Let the wave of memory, the storm of desire, the fire of emotion pass through without affecting your equanimity. Be a witness of these. Commitment engenders holding, narrowing, limiting. Be willing to be nothing. Let all dualities subside in your neutrality. (Sathya Sai Baba)
The day of departure finally arrived. Seven days had passed since Mahashivarathri, and Baba had moved from Prasanthi Nilayam to his ashram in Brindavan outside the city of Bangalore. The ride from the city to Brindavan was a meditation; my mind took on the stillness and expansiveness of the open Indian countryside in which we were traveling.
The day was freshly cleansed by an overnight rain, the morning sun sparkled everywhere. Thoughts of my recent stay at Prasanthi Nilayam came, bringing great peace. Sitting eight to ten hours a day in quiet meditation in his divine presence had left me feeling cleansed and with new insight. The heaviness of my active, hectic life in America seemed washed away. Gone was the impulse to overeat, overwork, or become lost in meaningless television. Stripped for the moment of attachment to family and profession, of desire for luxury and materialism, I awakened to a feeling which seemed somehow familiar, yet never before experienced in this lifetime. My inner life had become so peaceful and unruffled it seemed more attractive than the outer world. I felt content in just being still; there was