Page 130 - She's One Crazy Lady!

130
How mu“
Visitors came and went but I was a bit vague and in desperate need of a wee when they’d gone.
Enter Dawn. Nurse Weed! I love the name but wasn’t to find out her surname until later. I asked if I could get up, aware that I was hooked up to various bags and bits of equipment.
“No way. I’ll get you a bedpan.”
Oh, God, I had not reckoned on this – this part of being hospitalised hadn’t entered my head. This was, indeed, a first – something I never thought I would have to experience. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Dawn came back with a cold, stainless steel pan.
“Come on, lift your bum and sit on this.”
“But ....”
“Come on. Let’s take your drawers off. If you can’t wee into this, I’ll
have to fit you with a catheter.”
How much worse could it get? Before I knew it, my paper drawers
ch worse could it get? Before I knew it, my paper drawers were down at my ankles and I was lying at an angle, the pan icy cold against my warm
were down at my ankles and I was lying at an angle, the pan icy cold against my warm cheeks.
“Right, off you go.”
I lay there. Could I go? No.
“Have you been yet? I haven’t got all day, you know!”
“No, not yet.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to go anymore.”
“You know what I said, you know what will happen if you don’t.” This was scary. I willed myself to wee, but nothing.
Again, Dawn’s voice behind the curtain. I could sense she was
enjoying this.
“Any joy?”
“No!”
“Right, I’ll be back with the catheter.” I knew she meant it. As much as I tried. I could not wee.
With Dawn gone, suddenly the curtains were pulled apart and my bed friends, sensing my dilemma, jokingly turned the taps full on in the sink next to my bed and started to make swishing sounds, willing me to go.
Please let me wee!
Then, “Eureka!” A trickle! I’d weed. Not a lot, But I had weed.
I shouted, “I’ve been!”
Dawn came in.
“Is that all?”
“Yep, and I feel so much better!”
Dawn wasn’t convinced but, thankfully, I had avoided the catheter. My name for her then was “Dawn, the bedpan nurse!”
It wasn’t until later that I found out her last name was ‘Weed’...
chee”
ks.
I felt a poem coming on!