Page 249 - She's One Crazy Lady!

Diary Entry – Monday January 6th 2003 “ “Didn’t sleep well. Too many ‘mind games’. Medical suspension over
and now one month at school. It’s not as if I’m going back to work, I don’t really know what I’m going back to. There’s no clear agenda. I’m the ‘Head’ but I’m not THE ‘Head’. How will it be? Am I enthusiastic or is that the right word? Apprehensive? Yes. Poor Mum doesn’t want me to go back but I have to do this. I have to do this to make my mind up to decide if I truly want to do it or if I should stop... oh, I don’t know! Who has ever been in a situation like this? No one probably – I feel so mixed up. Did the last eighteen months really happen?”
As it turned out, it wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated as the children were a joy to be with; they gave me such a genuine happy and jubilant welcome and the staff, many of them new, gave me a warm welcome too. Just being in a school environment was a tonic but I fully appreciated this must have been a difficult time for them.
Again, I will try to speak about this as briefly as possible .....
Basically, despite the situation being unique, the month went by quickly. I had registered for several courses that I felt may help me; I took groups for literacy sessions, art lessons, looked at levels of work in children’s books and met with many of the staff individually to discuss their roles.
I remember taking a mixed group of children, two from each class aged between 5 and 11, to do a similar, a more childlike, kind of painting project that I had done with Michele Petrone when I attended the Cancer Voices Conference where we had to paint our ‘soul’. I showed them my painting. (This will be explained later!!) With these children I played the music to ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ and asked them to think about what they wanted to see and where they wanted to be at the end of their rainbow...
Just like the group of adults I was with on the course, the children were so enthusiastic and very keen to paint. Just like the adults, I couldn’t really work out what some of them were painting and
I didn’t ask, but afterwards, the children were VERY
confident to talk about their paintings – their stories so
heartwarming, so real and so revealing. I loved teaching
art to children and deep down wanted so much to be
able to continue but, for now, I was delighted with the
afternoon’s lesson and proudly displayed their efforts.
I also attended several staff meetings, looked at the finances and spent useful periods of time with other Headteachers to discuss latest initiatives and talk generally about their roles and responsibilities. As the days went by I had my doubts as to whether I would ever get back as the substantive Head – what was happening I felt wasn’t fair on the children. One lunch time towards the end of my month a child came into the deputy head’s room, where I happened to be. She was crying.
As it turned out, it wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated as the children were a joy to
be with; they
gave me such a
genuine happy
and jubilant
welcome and
the staff, many
of them new,
gave me a warm
welcome too. ”
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
249