Page 402 - She's One Crazy Lady!

been so pleased to have seen so many people attend – she was a very much-loved person.
I miss her immeasurably.
Can I add here how wonderful my family were in supporting me through Marilyn’s illness and after she had passed away. Similarly, having all my Crazy Hats friends and neighbours around was so comforting and appreciated – we were all hurting.
What I found so hard was coming to terms with the fact that cancer had robbed all who knew her of such a wonderful person. At Crazy Hats, for twenty years, we had been supporting people living with cancer. I thought losing Sue was hard; losing Lesley was hard; losing Jan was hard; losing anyone that we had got to know so well was massively hard. In those twenty years, as much as we felt for each and every person, and their loved ones, it wasn’t until I, personally and willingly had committed so much of my time to look after Marilyn, with friendship and love, that I realised just what ‘caring’ for someone with terminal cancer required. When we at Crazy Hats gave support, our support was limited – we didn’t witness what families had to endure and sustain once our visits to see their loved one were over. With Marilyn, my eyes truly had been opened. Caring, and all the obstacles, emotions and feelings that came with it, was a 24/7
commitment and we had witnessed ‘everything’. Had Crazy Hats have continued I know, for sure, I would have had so much more empathy and understanding for the families after Marilyn died.
An aspect of Marilyn’s care that I found very hard to come to terms with, and still do, is where she died. (Please note, these are my personal observations.) When she became so poorly, hospitalization was necessary but I felt the ward she was on was not equipped to help her in the ways she needed. Marilyn had cancer. Her cancer had spread and she was in severe pain. Her cancer was terminal. She was in a small, noisy, compact, extremely busy, six-bedded bay with such a mix of patients. There was very little privacy and dignity – for anyone. I ask the question – why aren’t there more acute specialist cancer wards in hospitals, with trained cancer specialists? Surely, patients, in Marilyn’s (and so many others) position warrant this?
When Marilyn was transferred to Cransley Hospice, she was comfortable – she told us she felt secure and safe and at the press of a button, there were the specialist nurses and doctors on hand to give her the personal treatment and compassion needed. The care she received was exactly what was needed and the trained staff were lovely with her. But then, after a few days, she was told she had to ‘move on’. As poorly as she was, Marilyn did not want to be in a Nursing Home – she
Our last photo taken together
– just after she sang to wish me a happy birthday – 9th October 2022
“What I found so hard was coming to terms with the fact that cancer had robbed
all who knew her of such
a wonderful person.
”
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