Page 452 - of-human-bondage-
P. 452

the thinness of her, only that evening he had noticed how
       the bones of her chest stood out in evening-dress; he went
       over her features one by one; he did not like her mouth, and
       the unhealthiness of her colour vaguely repelled him. She
       was common. Her phrases, so bald and few, constantly re-
       peated, showed the emptiness of her mind; he recalled her
       vulgar little laugh at the jokes of the musical comedy; and
       he remembered the little finger carefully extended when she
       held her glass to her mouth; her manners like her conversa-
       tion, were odiously genteel. He remembered her insolence;
       sometimes he had felt inclined to box her ears; and suddenly,
       he knew not why, perhaps it was the thought of hitting her
       or the recollection of her tiny, beautiful ears, he was seized
       by an uprush of emotion. He yearned for her. He thought of
       taking her in his arms, the thin, fragile body, and kissing her
       pale mouth: he wanted to pass his fingers down the slightly
       greenish cheeks. He wanted her.
          He had thought of love as a rapture which seized one so
       that all the world seemed spring-like, he had looked forward
       to an ecstatic happiness; but this was not happiness; it was
       a hunger of the soul, it was a painful yearning, it was a bit-
       ter anguish, he had never known before. He tried to think
       when it had first come to him. He did not know. He only
       remembered that each time he had gone into the shop, after
       the first two or three times, it had been with a little feeling
       in the heart that was pain; and he remembered that when
       she spoke to him he felt curiously breathless. When she left
       him it was wretchedness, and when she came to him again
       it was despair.

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