Page 501 - of-human-bondage-

LXIV

ut about three in the morning Philip awoke and could
Bnot sleep again. He began to think of Mildred. He tried
not to, but could not help himself. He repeated to himself
the same thing time after time till his brain reeled. It was in-
evitable that she should marry: life was hard for a girl who
had to earn her own living; and if she found someone who
could give her a comfortable home she should not be blamed
if she accepted. Philip acknowledged that from her point of
view it would have been madness to marry him: only love
could have made such poverty bearable, and she did not
love him. It was no fault of hers; it was a fact that must be
accepted like any other. Philip tried to reason with himself.
He told himself that deep down in his heart was mortified
pride; his passion had begun in wounded vanity, and it was
this at bottom which caused now a great part of his wretch-
edness. He despised himself as much as he despised her.
Then he made plans for the future, the same plans over and
over again, interrupted by recollections of kisses on her soft
pale cheek and by the sound of her voice with its trailing ac-
cent; he had a great deal of work to do, since in the summer
he was taking chemistry as well as the two examinations
he had failed in. He had separated himself from his friends
at the hospital, but now he wanted companionship. There
was one happy occurrence: Hayward a fortnight before had

00 Of Human Bondage