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another. He could not see anything of the performance on
account of the mist of suspicion, anger, dismay, and wretch-
edness which seemed to be before his eyes; but he forced
himself to conceal the fact that anything was the matter; he
went on talking and laughing. Then a strange desire to tor-
ture himself seized him, and he got up, saying he wanted to
go and drink something. Mildred and Griffiths had never
been alone together for a moment. He wanted to leave them
by themselves.
‘I’ll come too,’ said Griffiths. ‘I’ve got rather a thirst on.’
‘Oh, nonsense, you stay and talk to Mildred.’
Philip did not know why he said that. He was throwing
them together now to make the pain he suffered more in-
tolerable. He did not go to the bar, but up into the balcony,
from where he could watch them and not be seen. They had
ceased to look at the stage and were smiling into one anoth-
er’s eyes. Griffiths was talking with his usual happy fluency
and Mildred seemed to hang on his lips. Philip’s head be-
gan to ache frightfully. He stood there motionless. He knew
he would be in the way if he went back. They were enjoy-
ing themselves without him, and he was suffering, suffering.
Time passed, and now he had an extraordinary shyness
about rejoining them. He knew they had not thought of
him at all, and he reflected bitterly that he had paid for the
dinner and their seats in the music-hall. What a fool they
were making of him! He was hot with shame. He could see
how happy they were without him. His instinct was to leave
them to themselves and go home, but he had not his hat and
coat, and it would necessitate endless explanations. He went

Of Human Bondage