Page 920 - of-human-bondage-
P. 920
looked at them curiously. He thought with melancholy of
the distance that separated him from them, and he thought
bitterly how much he had wanted to do and how little done.
It seemed to him that all those years, vanished beyond re-
call, had been utterly wasted. The boys, fresh and buoyant,
were doing the same things that he had done, it seemed that
not a day had passed since he left the school, and yet in that
place where at least by name he had known everybody now
he knew not a soul. In a few years these too, others taking
their place, would stand alien as he stood; but the reflection
brought him no solace; it merely impressed upon him the
futility of human existence. Each generation repeated the
trivial round. He wondered what had become of the boys
who were his companions: they were nearly thirty now;
some would be dead, but others were married and had chil-
dren; they were soldiers and parsons, doctors, lawyers; they
were staid men who were beginning to put youth behind
them. Had any of them made such a hash of life as he? He
thought of the boy he had been devoted to; it was funny, he
could not recall his name; he remembered exactly what he
looked like, he had been his greatest friend; but his name
would not come back to him. He looked back with amuse-
ment on the jealous emotions he had suffered on his account.
It was irritating not to recollect his name. He longed to be a
boy again, like those he saw sauntering through the quad-
rangle, so that, avoiding his mistakes, he might start fresh
and make something more out of life. He felt an intoler-
able loneliness. He almost regretted the penury which he
had suffered during the last two years, since the desperate
1