Page 124 - the-idiot

do so this very day. Oh! what can it cost you to say just this
one word? In doing so you will but be giving me a sign of
your sympathy for me, and of your pity; only this, only this;
nothing more, NOTHING. I dare not indulge in any hope,
because I am unworthy of it. But if you say but this word, I
will take up my cross again with joy, and return once more
to my battle with poverty. I shall meet the storm and be glad
of it; I shall rise up with renewed strength.
‘Send me back then this one word of sympathy, only
sympathy, I swear to you; and oh! do not be angry with the
audacity of despair, with the drowning man who has dared
to make this last effort to save himself from perishing be-
neath the waters.
‘G.L.’
‘This man assures me,’ said Aglaya, scornfully, when the
prince had finished reading the letter, ‘that the words ‘break
off everything’ do not commit me to anything whatever;
and himself gives me a written guarantee to that effect, in
this letter. Observe how ingenuously he underlines certain
words, and how crudely he glosses over his hidden thoughts.
He must know that if he ‘broke off everything,’ FIRST, by
himself, and without telling me a word about it or having
the slightest hope on my account, that in that case I should
perhaps be able to change my opinion of him, and even ac-
cept his—friendship. He must know that, but his soul is
such a wretched thing. He knows it and cannot make up
his mind; he knows it and yet asks for guarantees. He can-
not bring himself to TRUST, he wants me to give him hopes
of myself before he lets go of his hundred thousand rou-

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