Page 250 - the-idiot

mustn’t cry like that! There’s Katia crying, too. What is it,
Katia, dear? I shall leave you and Pasha a lot of things, I’ve
laid them out for you already; but good-bye, now. I made
an honest girl like you serve a low woman like myself. It’s
better so, prince, it is indeed. You’d begin to despise me
afterwards— we should never be happy. Oh! you needn’t
swear, prince, I shan’t believe you, you know. How foolish
it would be, too! No, no; we’d better say good-bye and part
friends. I am a bit of a dreamer myself, and I used to dream
of you once. Very often during those five years down at his
estate I used to dream and think, and I always imagined just
such a good, honest, foolish fellow as you, one who should
come and say to me: ‘You are an innocent woman, Nastasia
Philipovna, and I adore you.’ I dreamt of you often. I used to
think so much down there that I nearly went mad; and then
this fellow here would come down. He would stay a couple
of months out of the twelve, and disgrace and insult and
deprave me, and then go; so that I longed to drown myself
in the pond a thousand times over; but I did not dare do it. I
hadn’t the heart, and now—well, are you ready, Rogojin?’
‘Ready—keep your distance, all of you!’
‘We’re all ready,’ said several of his friends. ‘The troi-
kas [Sledges drawn by three horses abreast.] are at the door,
bells and all.’
Nastasia Philipovna seized the packet of bank-notes.
‘Gania, I have an idea. I wish to recompense you—why
should you lose all? Rogojin, would he crawl for three rou-
bles as far as the Vassiliostrof?
‘Oh, wouldn’t he just!’