Page 333 - the-idiot

would go back to his hotel; he even turned and went the
other way; but a moment after he changed his mind again
and went on in the old direction.
Why, here he was on the Petersburg Side already, quite
close to the house! Where was his ‘idea’? He was marching
along without it now. Yes, his malady was coming back, it
was clear enough; all this gloom and heaviness, all these
‘ideas,’ were nothing more nor less than a fit coming on; per-
haps he would have a fit this very day.
But just now all the gloom and darkness had fled, his
heart felt full of joy and hope, there was no such thing as
doubt. And yes, he hadn’t seen her for so long; he really
must see her. He wished he could meet Rogojin; he would
take his hand, and they would go to her together. His heart
was pure, he was no rival of Parfen’s. Tomorrow, he would
go and tell him that he had seen her. Why, he had only come
for the sole purpose of seeing her, all the way from Moscow!
Perhaps she might be here still, who knows? She might not
have gone away to Pavlofsk yet.
Yes, all this must be put straight and above-board, there
must be no more passionate renouncements, such as Rogo-
jin’s. It must all be clear as day. Cannot Rogojin’s soul bear
the light? He said he did not love her with sympathy and
pity; true, he added that ‘your pity is greater than my love,’
but he was not quite fair on himself there. Kin! Rogojin
reading a book—wasn’t that sympathy beginning? Did it
not show that he comprehended his relations with her? And
his story of waiting day and night for her forgiveness? That
didn’t look quite like passion alone.

The Idiot