Page 533 - the-idiot

perhaps never repented of in the slightest degree. I did not
think of it again all that evening; all my thoughts were cen-
tred on something else—‘
‘Not think of it again? Of course you didn’t!’ cried the
prince. ‘And I dare swear that you came straight away down
here to Pavlofsk to listen to the music and dog her about in
the crowd, and stare at her, just as you did today. There’s
nothing surprising in that! If you hadn’t been in that con-
dition of mind that you could think of nothing but one
subject, you would, probably, never have raised your knife
against me. I had a presentiment of what you would do,
that day, ever since I saw you first in the morning. Do you
know yourself what you looked like? I knew you would try
to murder me even at the very moment when we exchanged
crosses. What did you take me to your mother for? Did you
think to stay your hand by doing so? Perhaps you did not
put your thoughts into words, but you and I were think-
ing the same thing, or feeling the same thing looming over
us, at the same moment. What should you think of me now
if you had not raised your knife to me—the knife which
God averted from my throat? I would have been guilty of
suspecting you all the same—and you would have intended
the murder all the same; therefore we should have been mu-
tually guilty in any case. Come, don’t frown; you needn’t
laugh at me, either. You say you haven’t ‘repented.’ Repent-
ed! You probably couldn’t, if you were to try; you dislike me
too much for that. Why, if I were an angel of light, and as
innocent before you as a babe, you would still loathe me if
you believed that SHE loved me, instead of loving yourself.

The Idiot