Page 569 - the-idiot

‘When I observed that it was all the same whether one
died among trees or in front of a blank brick wall, as here,
and that it was not worth making any fuss over a fort-
night, he agreed at once. But he insisted that the good air at
Pavlofsk and the greenness would certainly cause a physi-
cal change for the better, and that my excitement, and my
DREAMS, would be perhaps relieved. I remarked to him,
with a smile, that he spoke like a materialist, and he an-
swered that he had always been one. As he never tells a lie,
there must be something in his words. His smile is a pleas-
ant one. I have had a good look at him. I don’t know whether
I like him or not; and I have no time to waste over the ques-
tion. The hatred which I felt for him for five months has
become considerably modified, I may say, during the last
month. Who knows, perhaps I am going to Pavlofsk on pur-
pose to see him! But why do I leave my chamber? Those
who are sentenced to death should not leave their cells. If I
had not formed a final resolve, but had decided to wait un-
til the last minute, I should not leave my room, or accept
his invitation to come and die at Pavlofsk. I must be quick
and finish this explanation before tomorrow. I shall have no
time to read it over and correct it, for I must read it tomor-
row to the prince and two or three witnesses whom I shall
probably find there.
‘As it will be absolutely true, without a touch of falsehood,
I am curious to see what impression it will make upon me
myself at the moment when I read it out. This is my ‘last and
solemn’—but why need I call it that? There is no question
about the truth of it, for it is not worthwhile lying for a fort-

The Idiot