Page 596 - the-idiot

‘Sometimes, thinking over this, I became quite numb
with the terror of it; and I might well have deduced from
this fact, that my ‘last conviction’ was eating into my being
too fast and too seriously, and would undoubtedly come to
its climax before long. And for the climax I needed greater
determination than I yet possessed.
‘However, within three weeks my determination was tak-
en, owing to a very strange circumstance.
‘Here on my paper, I make a note of all the figures and
dates that come into my explanation. Of course, it is all the
same to me, but just now—and perhaps only at this mo-
ment—I desire that all those who are to judge of my action
should see clearly out of how logical a sequence of deduc-
tions has at length proceeded my ‘last conviction.’
‘I have said above that the determination needed by
me for the accomplishment of my final resolve, came to
hand not through any sequence of causes, but thanks to a
certain strange circumstance which had perhaps no con-
nection whatever with the matter at issue. Ten days ago
Rogojin called upon me about certain business of his own
with which I have nothing to do at present. I had never seen
Rogojin before, but had often heard about him.
‘I gave him all the information he needed, and he very
soon took his departure; so that, since he only came for the
purpose of gaining the information, the matter might have
been expected to end there.
‘But he interested me too much, and all that day I was un-
der the influence of strange thoughts connected with him,
and I determined to return his visit the next day.