Page 840 - the-idiot

vain—no, not quite that either; too self-loving; you are self-
loving to madness. Your letters to me are a proof of it. You
could not love so simple a soul as his, and perhaps in your
heart you despised him and laughed at him. All you could
love was your shame and the perpetual thought that you
were disgraced and insulted. If you were less shameful, or
had no cause at all for shame, you would be still more un-
happy than you are now.
Aglaya brought out these thronging words with great
satisfaction. They came from her lips hurriedly and impetu-
ously, and had been prepared and thought out long ago, even
before she had ever dreamed of the present meeting. She
watched with eagerness the effect of her speech as shown in
Nastasia’s face, which was distorted with agitation.
‘You remember,’ she continued, ‘he wrote me a letter at
that time; he says you know all about that letter and that
you even read it. I understand all by means of this letter,
and understand it correctly. He has since confirmed it all to
me—what I now say to you, word for word. After receiving
his letter I waited; I guessed that you would soon come back
here, because you could never do without Petersburg; you
are still too young and lovely for the provinces. However,
this is not my own idea,’ she added, blushing dreadfully;
and from this moment the colour never left her cheeks to
the end of her speech. When I next saw the prince I began to
feel terribly pained and hurt on his account. Do not laugh; if
you laugh you are unworthy of understanding what I say.’
‘Surely you see that I am not laughing,’ said Nastasia,
sadly and sternly.