Page 502 - women-in-love

gone for ever. He must withdraw, he must seek reinforce-
ments. He did not believe in his own single self, any further
than this.
After dinner, faced with the ultimate experience of his
own nothingness, he turned aside. He pulled on his boots,
put on his coat, and set out to walk in the night.
It was dark and misty. He went through the wood, stum-
bling and feeling his way to the Mill. Birkin was away.
Good—he was half glad. He turned up the hill, and stum-
bled blindly over the wild slopes, having lost the path in the
complete darkness. It was boring. Where was he going? No
matter. He stumbled on till he came to a path again. Then
he went on through another wood. His mind became dark,
he went on automatically. Without thought or sensation, he
stumbled unevenly on, out into the open again, fumbling
for stiles, losing the path, and going along the hedges of the
fields till he came to the outlet.
And at last he came to the high road. It had distracted
him to struggle blindly through the maze of darkness. But
now, he must take a direction. And he did not even know
where he was. But he must take a direction now. Nothing
would be resolved by merely walking, walking away. He had
to take a direction.
He stood still on the road, that was high in the utter-
ly dark night, and he did not know where he was. It was a
strange sensation, his heart beating, and ringed round with
the utterly unknown darkness. So he stood for some time.
Then he heard footsteps, and saw a small, swinging light.
He immediately went towards this. It was a miner.

502 Women in Love