Page 437 - tender-is-the-night
P. 437

satisfaction; no longer was she a huntress of corralled game.
         Yesterday came back to her now in innumerable detail—
         detail that began to overlay her memory of similar moments
         when her love for Dick was fresh and intact. She began to
         slight that love, so that it seemed to have been tinged with
         sentimental  habit  from  the  first.  With  the  opportunistic
         memory of women she scarcely recalled how she had felt
         when she and Dick had possessed each other in secret places
         around the corners of the world, during the month before
         they were married. Just so had she lied to Tommy last night,
         swearing to him that never before had she so entirely, so
         completely, so utterly... .
            ... then remorse for this moment of betrayal, which so
         cavalierly belittled a decade of her life, turned her walk to-
         ward Dick’s sanctuary.
            Approaching noiselessly she saw him behind his cottage,
         sitting in a steamer chair by the cliff wall, and for a moment
         she regarded him silently. He was thinking, he was living a
         world completely his own and in the small motions of his
         face, the brow raised or lowered, the eyes narrowed or wid-
         ened, the lips set and reset, the play of his hands, she saw
         him progress from phase to phase of his own story spin-
         ning out inside him, his own, not hers. Once he clenched
         his fists and leaned forward, once it brought into his face
         an expression of torment and despair—when this passed its
         stamp lingered in his eyes. For almost the first time in her
         life she was sorry for him—it is hard for those who have
         once been mentally afflicted to be sorry for those who are
         well, and though Nicole often paid lip service to the fact

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