Page 723 - the-portrait-of-a-lady
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ate state of mind. But the sense that it was his last chance,
         that he loved her and had lost her, that she would think him
         a  fool  whatever  he  should  say,  suddenly  gave  him  a  lash
         and added a deep vibration to his low voice. ‘You’re per-
         fectly inscrutable, and that’s what makes me think you’ve
         something to hide. I tell you I don’t care a straw for your
         cousin, but I don’t mean that I don’t like him. I mean that it
         isn’t because I like him that I go away with him. I’d go if he
         were an idiot and you should have asked me. If you should
         ask me I’d go to Siberia to-morrow. Why do you want me
         to leave the place? You must have some reason for that; if
         you were as contented as you pretend you are you wouldn’t
         care. I’d rather know the truth about you, even if it’s dam-
         nable, than have come here for nothing. That isn’t what I
         came for. I thought I shouldn’t care. I came because I want-
         ed to assure myself that I needn’t think of you any more. I
         haven’t thought of anything else, and you’re quite right to
         wish me to go away. But if I must go, there’s no harm in my
         letting myself out for a single moment, is there? If you’re re-
         ally hurt-if he hurts you-nothing I say will hurt you. When
         I tell you I love you it’s simply what I came for. I thought it
         was for something else; but it was for that. I shouldn’t say
         it if I didn’t believe I should never see you again. It’s the
         last time-let me pluck a single flower! I’ve no right to say
         that, I know; and you’ve no right to listen. But you don’t lis-
         ten; you never listen, you’re always thinking of something
         else. After this I must go, of course; so I shall at least have a
         reason. Your asking me is no reason, not a real one. I can’t
         judge by your husband,’ he went on irrelevantly, almost in-

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