Page 1214 - the-brothers-karamazov
P. 1214

moment. This woman, this love of his, had been till the last
       moment,  till  the  very  instant  of  his  arrest,  a  being  unat-
       tainable, passionately desired by him but unattainable. Yet
       why did he not shoot himself then, why did he relinquish
       his design and even forget where his pistol was? It was just
       that passionate desire for love and the hope of satisfying it
       that restrained him. Throughout their revels he kept close
       to his adored mistress, who was at the banquet with him
       and was more charming and fascinating to him than ever
       — he did not leave her side, abasing himself in his homage
       before her.
         ‘His passion might well, for a moment, stifle not only the
       fear of arrest, but even the torments of conscience. For a
       moment, oh, only for a moment! I can picture the state of
       mind of the criminal hopelessly enslaved by these influenc-
       es — first, the influence of drink, of noise and excitement, of
       the thud of the dance and the scream of the song, and of her,
       flushed  with  wine,  singing  and  dancing  and  laughing  to
       him! Secondly, the hope in the background that the fatal end
       might still be far off, that not till next morning, at least, they
       would come and take him. So he had a few hours and that’s
       much, very much! In a few hours one can think of many
       things. I imagine that he felt something like what criminals
       feel when they are being taken to the scaffold. They have
       another long, long street to pass down and at walking pace,
       past thousands of people. Then there will be a turning into
       another street and only at the end of that street the dread
       place of execution! I fancy that at the beginning of the jour-
       ney the condemned man, sitting on his shameful cart, must

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