Page 1282 - the-brothers-karamazov

ing his brother, and was confiding this plan of escape to
me, though he was still jealous of me and still convinced
that I loved Mitya. Oh, that was a sacrifice! No, you can-
not understand the greatness of such self-sacrifice, Alexey
Fyodorovitch. I wanted to fall at his feet in reverence, but
I thought at once that he would take it only for my joy at
the thought of Mitya’s being saved (and he certainly would
have imagined that!), and I was so exasperated at the mere
possibility of such an unjust thought on his part that I lost
my temper again, and instead of kissing his feet, flew into a
fury again! Oh, I am unhappy! It’s my character, my awful,
unhappy character! Oh, you will see, I shall end by driving
him, too, to abandon me for another with whom he can get
on better, like Dmitri. But... no, I could not bear it, I should
kill myself. And when you came in then, and when I called
to you and told him to come back, I was so enraged by the
look of contempt and hatred he turned on me that do you
remember? — I cried out to you that it was he, he alone who
had persuaded me that his brother Dmitri was a murderer!
I said that malicious thing on purpose to wound him again.
He had never, never persuaded me that his brother was a
murderer. On the contrary, it was I who persuaded him! Oh,
my vile temper was the cause of everything! I paved the way
to that hideous scene at the trial. He wanted to show me
that he was an honourable man, and that, even if I loved his
brother, he would not ruin him for revenge or jealousy. So
he came to the court... I am the cause of it all, I alone am
to blame!’
Katya never had made such confessions to Alyosha be-

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