Page 1294 - the-brothers-karamazov

‘Alyosha, put me out of my misery at once!’ he exclaimed
suddenly. ‘Tell me, is she coming now, or not? Tell me?
What did she say? How did she say it?’
‘She said she would come, but I don’t know whether
she will come to-day. It’s hard for her, you know,’ Alyosha
looked timidly at his brother.
‘I should think it is hard for her! Alyosha, it will drive
me out of my mind. Grusha keeps looking at me. She un-
derstands. My God, calm my heart: what is it I want? I want
Katya! Do I understand what I want? It’s the headstrong,
evil Karamazov spirit! No, I am not fit for suffering. I am a
scoundrel, that’s all one can say.’
‘Here she is!’ cried Alyosha.
At that instant Katya appeared in the doorway. For a
moment she stood still, gazing at Mitya with a dazed ex-
pression. He leapt pulsively to his feet, and a scared look
came into his face. He turned pale, but a timid, pleading
smile appeared on his lips at once, and with an irresistible
impulse he held out both hands to Katya. Seeing it, she flew
impetuously to him. She seized him by the hands, and al-
most by force made him sit down on the bed. She sat down
beside him, and still keeping his hands pressed them vio-
lently. Several times they both strove to speak, but stopped
short and again gazed speechless with a strange smile, their
eyes fastened on one another. So passed two minutes.
‘Have you forgiven me?’ Mitya faltered at last, and at the
same moment turning to Alyosha, his face working with
joy, he cried, ‘Do you hear what I am asking, do you hear?’
‘That’s what I loved you for, that you are generous at

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