Page 286 - the-brothers-karamazov

‘Surely he did not tell you so?’ asked Alyosha.
‘Yes, he did, long ago. Would you believe it, he told me
three weeks ago? You don’t suppose he too came to murder
me, do you? He must have had some object in coming.’
‘What do you mean? Why do you say such things?’ said
Alyosha, troubled.
‘He doesn’t ask for money, it’s true, but yet he won’t get
a farthing from me. I intend living as long as possible, you
may as well know, my dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, and so I
need every farthing, and the longer I live, the more I shall
need it,’ he continued, pacing from one corner of the room
to the other, keeping his hands in the pockets of his loose
greasy overcoat made of yellow cotton material. ‘I can still
pass for a man at five and fifty, but I want to pass for one
for another twenty years. As I get older, you know, I shan’t
be a pretty object. The wenches won’t come to me of their
own accord, so I shall want my money. So I am saving up
more and more, simply for myself, my dear son Alexey Fy-
odorovitch. You may as well know. For I mean to go on in
my sins to the end, let me tell you. For sin is sweet; all abuse
it, but all men live in it, only others do it on the sly, and I
openly. And so all the other sinners fall upon me for be-
ing so simple. And your paradise, Alexey Fyodorovitch, is
not to my taste, let me tell you that; and it’s not the proper
place for a gentleman, your paradise, even if it exists. I be-
lieve that I fall asleep and don’t wake up again, and that’s
all. You can pray for my soul if you like. And if you don’t
want to, don’t, damn you! That’s my philosophy. Ivan talk-
ed well here yesterday, though we were all drunk. Ivan is a