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Chapter 4

The Lost Dog

OLYA leaned against the fence with an air of dignity,
Kwaiting for Alyosha to appear. Yes, he had long wanted
to meet him. He had heard a great deal about him from the
boys, but hitherto he had always maintained an appearance
of disdainful indifference when he was mentioned, and he
had even ‘criticised’ what he heard about Alyosha. But se-
cretely he had a great longing to make his acquaintance;
there was something sympathetic and attractive in all he
was told about Alyosha. So the present moment was impor-
tant: to begin with, he had to show himself at his best, to
show his independence. ‘Or he’ll think of me as thirteen
and take me for a boy, like the rest of them. And what are
these boys to him? I shall ask him when I get to know him.
It’s a pity I am so short, though. Tuzikov is younger than I
am, yet he is half a head taller. But I have a clever face. I am
not good-looking. I know I’m hideous, but I’ve a clever face.
I mustn’t talk too freely; if I fall into his arms all at once, he
may think- Tfoo! how horrible if he should think — !’
Such were the thoughts that excited Kolya while he was
doing his utmost to assume the most independent air. What

The Brothers Karamazov