Page 39 - Outstanding Women Friendly Physicians (2)

Looking For Love? By Don Tipon

Love is a complex human relationship that few people under- you had better pull up a picture of the pyramid to love. Your think-
stand, resulting in frequent mistakes. If you are looking for love, ing may go like this.
have just started a relationship, or want to enhance a mature “Hmmm – now let’s see – if we just met, that means he doesn’t
relationship; you need powerful tools to take charge of your love. know anything about me – which means he doesn’t understand
This column and future columns describe new concepts about me – and all those higher steps on the pyramid to love are at
the inner workings of love, plus essential techniques for avoiding zero. That means he does not really love me – and I do not really
mistakes. love him for all the same reasons. I better be cautious and find a
Love is an activity, a process composed of actions for creating charming way to introduce some sensibility into this encounter.”
love, keeping it alive, and encouraging it to grow. In addition, it This little story demonstrates how to use the pyramid to love. You
is a step process, where each step is a prerequisite for the next. evaluate the condition of each step of the pyramid. If you find
The diagram below (Pyramid to Love) illustrates the lower steps a step that is deficient or missing, then you know that the steps
supporting the higher ones. To explain the pyramid I shall start at higher up suffer from the same condition. In addition, to correct a
the beginning, at the step that supports all others: “Awareness.” weakness, strengthen the lower steps.

Increase your understanding of the person
Increase your awareness of the person
If you understand a person, you are able to predict how they are
To interact with a person you must first be aware of them. You going to respond to events. Understanding is extremely important.
must be conscious of where they are, where they are going, and Without it, you may say the wrong thing and insult them, intrude
what they are doing. This information allows people to interact in an area they consider as private and personal, or just be afraid
physically in many ways, such to interact in a meaningful
as shaking hands or walking way. Once you achieve a
together. Similarly, awareness high level of understand-
allows people to interact verbally ing, you will know how
and visually. Everything you do to show respect, team
requires awareness to perceive up with them and work
the environment, then additional smoothly, assist them
awareness to control your ac- when they need your help,
tions. or ask them for assistance
Many people do not realize where you know they can
how valuable awareness is to contribute.
a relationship and they often To understand a person
waste their attention on things you must first have a San Diego
of low value. For instance, going significant amount of Woman
to the movies, a sports event, knowledge of the person.
or getting intoxicated at a party Then you must analyze
are poor choices if you want to all the information so that
get to know a person or improve you have a good idea of 39
your relationship. Movies are the how the person will react
socially accepted date night ac- to different situations.
tivity; and I am not saying movies The greater the accuracy
are all bad; but if you really want of your predictions, the
to make some progress, if you greater your
really want to build your relation- understanding.
ship, you need to maximize your Understanding supports
awareness of the person. Better all the higher steps of the
choices are a trip to the skating pyramid, or shuts them
rink, an entertaining game for two that allows side discussions, down if it is deficient. If you are in a relationship, and your part-
or for extra credit – help the person with one of their projects. A ner’s understanding of you seems to be stuck, you should know
one-on-one activity is focused, providing maximum awareness of that the higher steps must also be stuck. What do you do? Get
the person. You cannot go wrong with awareness, use it, and let it angry and storm off? That will not resolve the problem. Remem-
work its magic. By the way, visiting a coffee shop after the movies ber, the steps below understanding are its primary source. Help
is an excellent choice. your partner to increase awareness and knowledge about you,
Increase your knowledge of the person and understanding is sure to follow. In addition, increase your
When you first meet someone, you start saving all sorts of data, awareness, knowledge, and understanding of your partner; then,
such as the color of a person’s eyes, their telephone number, and you can assist your partner. You may discover that sometimes
complex information, such as their goals in life. All this data adds you need to lead in this relationship.
up to knowledge about the person.
To illustrate the importance of knowledge I will use an anecdote. Do you want additional insights about love?
Let us say you are walking down the street on a beautiful sunny
day and all of a sudden, a handsome man appears before you. We have only covered the first three steps of the pyramid to love
With a sparkle in his eyes and the most charming smile you have – awareness, knowledge, and understanding. The next steps are
ever seen, he stutters, “I ... I think love you.” Now “love at first essential for your success with relationships. Look for announce-
sight” is great theater and very dramatic; and you should be just ments of future articles and for the release of my comprehensive
as gracious and charming in return; but in the back of your mind, book, Pyramid to Love, on the website: www.pyramidtolove.com.