Page 46 - Outstanding Women Friendly Physicians (2)

I feel guilty all your mind and thinking, spot the difference between urgent and
important. Focus on the important first.
Recognize the past for what it is. Write 10 things that you wish
you hadn't done, and then write 10 things you wish you had
the time … done. Give yourself five points for each item that feeling bad
about would really help. Your score is zero, isn't it?
Practice feeling guilty: Set aside 15-20 minutes daily and think
of a past event to feel bad about. Feel guilty. Beat yourself up.
By Soma Bhadra Pity, anger, worry, bring them all on. Then step back and see
what an enormous drain of energy feeling guilty is. Why do it?
How often have you felt guilty for: Leaving your kid at day care? List all the things you are avoiding by feeling guilty. What are
Not having enough time with family? Leaving work early? Not you planning to do about them? You can avoid doing almost
serving a home-cooked meal? The bills paid late, laundry not anything by feeling guilty, being lazy, lacking direction. Spend
folded, dishwasher not cleared out? your time actually doing something about the situation rather
Guilt is a prevailing undercurrent of women’s lives, at least in than sitting and feeling guilty about it.
the first 10-15 years of professional life with a growing family. Accept responsibility for the choices you make. They are yours,
Does it need to be this way? Why do women spend so much be it mistakes or misfortunes, own them. You have the right to
time consumed by this and be wrong some-
feeling miserable? No, it is times, it's OK. As
not work-life balance issue, long as you do
and it is solvable. something about
Guilt is the top effective- it, resolve to never
ness-killing emotion, an repeat it, it's all
absolute waste of energy right.
and time. We are condi- Dissociate
tioned to feel guilty since yourself from
childhood, a very hard habit guilt wielders.
to break. Parents, teachers, The world is full
neighbors, family, religion, of people who
all use guilt to regulate cast off their bad
behavior. We are taught feelings onto oth-
that there are strict right ers. Ignore them;
and wrong behavioral rules throw them out of
and expected to feel good your life. They are
46 and bad respectively. This not your friends;
conditioning is carried over they are your
to adulthood, reinforced by worst enemies.
society every step of the Connect with
way. people who help
Guilt is the perfect excuse you construct a
for not changing self. When good life.
something is not working, The worst case
we tend to 'pay our dues' of guilt is demon-
by feeling bad about it, strated by young
and then go on living. It mothers going to
is the easy way out. Guilt work leaving their
also allows us to hold oth- child at day care,
ers responsible, while we feeling miser-
look for approval and pity. able all day and
By feeling guilty, we feel wondering if their
conscientious and caring. career is worth it.
If only there were not these You bet it is worth
extenuating circumstances it! Please do not
forced on us by the evil feel guilty - it does
world, we would have come not do anything
through. Then there is the for you or your
bad case of "should-have". child. Instead
“I should have asked for an accept that you
approval.” "I should have are human and
added this to my to-do list.” life does not flow
“I should have started this smoothly, and
project earlier.” think long term.
Feeling guilty over what does not get done is pure misery. It Things are going
is usually a long to-do list, why expect that 100% needs to be to be lopsided and messy and often - but over time, it's all going
completed by the end of the day? On your to-do list, only 20% to ease out. Your kids will not curse you when they grow up.
is actually important. Attend to only those items. Others will Instead they will admire you as a superwoman who went for a
solve over time. The key skill is to identify which of those items career while loving them as much as you could.
is important. I did not say urgent, I said important. There is a
big difference. 99% of what you think is urgent, is not! Clear up Reading suggestion: Work Smarter Not Harder, By Jack Collis; Ambition is Not a
Dirty Word by Debra Condren.